Baby, Can You See Through The Tears?
by Psyc0gurl0
Summary: Tara/Jax. Set pre-series. On the sixth anniversary of Tara's departure Jax comes across her working at a strip club to pay her way through medical school. Chaos ensues.
1. Chapter 1: Dancing All Night

**Title: Baby, Can You See Through The Tears?**

 **Summary:** On the sixth anniversary of Tara's departure Jax comes across Tara working in a strip club to pay her way through medical school. Chaos ensues. **  
**

 **Couples:** Tara/Jax

 **Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Everything is Kurt Sutter's. and the lyrics and title are Lana Del Ray  
**

 **Author's Note:** Here is my second Tara/Jax fic! I hope you guys like it! Please review and let me know what you think! It's pretty straightforward. Jax finds Tara in a strip club and of course chaos ensues. The fic is kinda dark, but there's a happy ending at the end. Not sure how long the story will be it depends on you guys!

 **Warning: Swearing**

 **Enjoy!**

 _You went out every night  
And baby that's alright  
I told you that no matter what you did I'd be by your side  
Cause Imma ride or die  
Whether you fail or fly  
Well shit at least you tried.  
But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died  
I told you I wanted more, but that's not what I had in mind  
I just want it like before  
We were dancing all night  
Then they took you away, stole you out of my life  
You just need to remember...  
I will love you 'til the end of time  
I would wait a million years  
Promise you'll remember that you're mine  
Baby can you see through the tears  
Love you more  
Than those bitches before  
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember, oh baby ooh  
I will love you 'til the end of time_

 _Blue Jeans By Lana Del Ray  
_

* * *

 **Chapter 1 Dancing All Night**

Tara Knowles's felt as if her head was full of pressure and her stomach was filled with anxiety. She didn't know what was wrong with her, but her heart was hammering a mile of minute, like she was waiting for something to happen. She knew she was being silly. Everything was fine. It was just a normal Tuesday night.

She didn't know why she felt so nervous all of a sudden or why tonight seemed to be different than any other night.

Nothing was supposed to happen, she came in to work at six at the Gold Club, but that was it. It was already ten o'clock and she'd been on stage for two dances already and nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Her summer was slipping by and the knowledge of the encroaching start of the school year loomed in the air. She was due to begin her second year at Stanford Medical School in a week.

She let her mind play back the last few weeks and besides a weird run in with some guy at the club nothing interesting had happened.

So why was she more nervous tonight than she had ever been dancing at the Gold Club? She was more nervous than her first night at work.

She rolled her shoulders and tried to get her head in the game before she went on stage. She didn't want to take her issues with her on stage. When she was dancing she had to block out the rest of the world. If she didn't the reality of her situation would come crashing down on her and she'd just be Little Tara Knowles from Charming, California. She seriously didn't need that.

Tara was quiet, pretty, an introvert, not what a stripper needed to be.

When she was on stage she couldn't be Tara she needed to be O, her alter ego.

O was everything Tara wasn't. She was flirty, fun, and hot, everything a stripper needed to be.

She had chosen the name on a whim. It was short for Ophelia. The General Manager, Pauley had asked what she wanted her stage name to be and the first thing that had popped into her head was Ophelia. She wasn't sure why, maybe it was because she had just read Hamlet recently or maybe because she liked the name despite the head-case of the female character in Shakespeare's tragedy.

Regardless, O, was her alter ego that allowed her to get on stage topless and dance. It also allowed her to flirt with patrons and provide dances for them so that she could walk out with enough money to pay for her medical degree.

She had come across dancing while searching for a job in the Classified section after her roommate ran away after stealing Tara's shit to pay for her Heroin addiction. She had stuck her with the insane rent, so Tara being the survivor she was sought out a way to pay for an apartment in Palo Alto near Stanford. Thus leading her to the Gold Club in San Francisco. She didn't think anyone would ever know her there, or find her. She had made sure that it was a good ways away from anyone she knew or who would recognize her.

It didn't matter though if they did, since no one would ever believe that Little Sweet Tara Knowles would ever take her clothes off for money. Then again, no one would ever believe she would date someone in SAMCRO.

People as she was beginning to learn at twenty-four were full of the worst surprises.

"O, you're up." Jade a pretty Asian girl said coming into the dressing room. She was wrapping her body in a black silk robe as she began to get ready for her next set.

Tara nodded and looked at her reflection in the vanity mirror before she got off the stool.

Her eyes were smoky, the lipstick was too bright against her pale skin, but she had recently run out of her favorite color and had to make do until she could buy some more. Her hair was tucked in a black bob wig she liked to wear to keep her identity hidden. She looked down her body at the black thong and the black sequined bikini top, making sure everything that needed to be in place was.

Some girls went with themes and others had rolls they liked to play, but Tara liked to mix it up. Some days she was a naughty nurse, other days she kept it simple with a black bikini. Other days she wore corsets and boy shorts.

Today was a bikini day.

She'd splurged on a new pair of black and silver seven-inch heels and she knew they would look awesome with the black top and thong. She had decided last minute to put on a pair of fishnets, since Pauley had decided to crank the AC and it wasn't as if she could put a sweater on.

She took a deep breath looked herself over one more time and then strutted over to the stage.

She closed her eyes, rolled her shoulders again and waited for the opening beats of the song she had chosen for this set. The opening beats of the hip hop song came through the speakers and she glided on stage making sure to swing her hips as much as possible. She began to zone out and listen only to the music as she began to move her body to the beats.

She got to the pole in the middle of the stage and began to swing around and around forgetting the people watching her intently on the floor of the strip club.

She swung up and slid down the poll, hanging upside down and using her upper body strength she'd developed from a year of stripping. She slid down the poll and heard a few people cry out and cheer her on. Turning around she began to shake her ass to the beat. She bent over and flipped her hair around as she continued to get lost in the music. Swinging around the pole again she made sure to open her legs wide enough to show her flexibility. When she slid down the pole again she did a little flip and slid into the splits as the crowd cheered her on.

When she came out of the splits she turned around and began her ass shaking once again as she untied the strings of her bikini. Turning around as the second half of the song played she concentrated on dancing around stage and against the poll trying to make eye contact with guys sitting at the bar.

She didn't concentrate on one person specifically, she tried to keep a smile on her face and look at everyone.

When she had started stripping she was too shy to look at anyone, but the older woman told her she needed to smile and make eye contact to bring in the big dollars.

The ending notes of the song played and some guys began to throw money on the stage for her to collect when she heard a loud noise. She looked up just in time to see a blonde man attack the most recent person who had put money on stage. Wanting to avoid bodily harm she stepped back surprised after grabbing the last of the bills.

Security was called almost immediately and as Crispin the bodyguard –

who was usually a teddy bear – grabbed the blonde man to control him she saw with an instant sinking feeling his face. Angry blue eyes met hers and a wild murderous look she'd seen on a few occasions seemed to alter his face, but there was no mistaking it.

Jackson Teller was at the Gold Club. Jackson Teller was here. Jackson Teller was at the Gold Club. Jackson Teller was here. And judging by his reaction he had most definitely seen her performance.

"Holy Shit." She exclaimed.

It had been _six_ years and now she was staring down at her ex-boyfriend struggling with the bodyguard and an innocent bystander who had given her money. Six years gone and now she was staring at him half naked.

She watched as Jax began to struggle in Crispin's arms and then suddenly Opie, Clay, Bobby, and Tig seemed to pounce on Jax, the guy he had been fighting with, and Crispin.

As if snapping back to life she turned as quickly as possible and stumbled off the stage needing a moment to understand what the fuck had just happened. But all her mind could think about was that Jackson Teller was here at the Gold Club. _Jackson Teller was here. What the serious fuck._ She really needed a minute. Or thirty to come to terms with that.

 _What the fuck had just happened?_

* * *

Jackson Teller was having a bad day. There was no doubt about it. Although in all honesty he knew that it was about to be not a very good day when he woke up. Today was the sixth anniversary of _Her_ leaving him for San Diego. And of course like the last few years on this painful day he was determined to get shit faced and burry himself in a few blondes. Unfortunately that was not the plan for today.

Instead he was required to make a run with Clay and the other guys. He had wanted to get out of it, but there was no way he could get out of going to San Francisco with Clay and the others. So he strapped up, got on his bike in the afternoon and they made their way to San Francisco to meet with one of their clients.

They had finished with business and of course the client had asked if they wanted to go let loose. He told them of a club he owned called the Gold Club and asked whether they were interested in coming by and having a few drinks.

"Do you even have to ask, Johnny?" Clay asked laughing and clapping the man on his back.

Johnny chortled and downed the rest of his whiskey before standing up. "You guys will love this place. I own it of course so you know it's the shit. Only the best girls they are tight as fuck. The booze is overflowing and everything is free for you guys." He said winking at them.

Opie smirked at Jax who offered up a smug expression of his own.

"Come on man, this is just the thing you need." Opie said quietly nudging Jax.

He nodded thoughtfully, "yeah I know."

"You were only going to do the same thing in Charming anyway." Opie added.

Jax tugged out a cigarette from his pack and light it up as Johnny and Clay continued talking.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just…today always…I hate today." Jax grumbled dragging on his cigarette.

"Well today's almost done. So we'll go to the club, find some chicks, drink some booze, and I'll probably carry you out of there around dawn tomorrow." Opie joked.

Jax gave him a smug smile and tried to ignore the constant pain in his heart that had been there, since _She_ had left him.

"Yeah, man. Sounds like exactly what I need." Jax said quietly.

"Good. Then let's roll out." Opie said as Clay and Johnny finished their conversation.

Jax opened his mouth to respond when Clay came over to them and clapped a hand on both of their shoulders.

"We're going to this Gold Club. Figure we could blow off some steam." Clay said giving Jax a lingering look.

He nodded and took another drag on his cigarette. "Sounds good."

Clay smiled at him and moved on to Bobby and Tig who had been talking quietly in the corner.

Jax finished up his cigarette and then walked out with the rest of the SONS to head to this Gold Club their client had been going on about.

They parked out front with the rest of the vehicles and they made their way into the club with Johnny leading. Jax took in the bar taking stock of the busy strip club and the scantily clad girls. He immediately headed to the bar as Johnny continued taking the others over to a VIP area.

He scanned the bar intrigued with the variety of girls that were walking around. A long limbed and busty blonde caught his eyes and he smirked to himself already seeking out his entertainment for the night.

"Some selection." Opie commented standing beside him.

"Johnny said it was the best." Jax said chuckling when the bartender finally came over.

He ordered a shot and a beer then waited for Opie to order what he wanted. When they had gotten their drinks they headed toward the VIP area where the other SONS were seated.

"Nice selection." Tig said over the music as they settled into their seats and looked at the stage.

"More than nice." Jax muttered his eyes trained on the busty blonde giving a lap dance to a guy in an expensive looking suit.

He was snapped out of his staring when Johnny came back over to them some waitresses standing behind him with a tray of drinks.

"For your entertainment." Johnny announced waving the waitresses toward them.

"You'll love the lineup. The next girl is a big hit. Has an ass like a fucking peach. And the prettiest green eyes too, moves her body like a fucking serpent. She's one of our hotter girls. I don't know what it is about her, but she's like a fucking mystery waiting to be unwrapped." Johnny mused as the DJ announced the next dancer up was named O.

"What the fuck type of name is O?" Tig yelled over the opening beats of the hip-hop song.

"It's from Hamlet." Jax blurted out coolly.

"How the fuck do you know that? You never even graduated high school." Tig asked frowning at him.

Jax shrugged and chose not to answer instead concentrating on the waitress who was setting a drink down in front of him.

"Hey darling, what's your name?" Jax greeted giving her his charming smile.

She giggled, "Charity."

"Charity?" he asked raising an eyebrow and looking over at Opie who was concentrating on the stage an odd look on his face. He tried to nudge his friend, but Opie was staring at the stage as if hypnotized. He turned toward the stage, but was unable to see anything except a black bob of hair, since Charity was in his way.

"What kind of name is Charity?" he asked turning away from Opie when he couldn't get his attention.

"I picked it myself." She said in a ditzy tone.

"Well Charity do you do dances?" Jax purred leaning closer.

Charity frowned and blinked at his question. "Well, like I'm a waitress. Not, like a dancer."

He frowned momentarily wondering whether she was really this dumb or just pretending to be.

"Listen, babe—" Jax began, but was interrupted by Clay's voice.

"Holy Shit!" Clay exclaimed his own eyes trained on the stage.

Jax frowned looking at all the other guys around the VIP section to find they were staring at the stage transfixed. His frown deepened wondering what the hell the girl on stage could do that was so fucking amazing. He'd seen plenty of strippers before and not one had made him look as mesmerized as any of the guys looked. He wondered if maybe she could do some weird thing with her vagina, like those girls in Asia and then he shook his head remembering that this was only a topless bar. He turned toward the stage trying to see around Charity who he just realized was still talking.

"Go get me a drink." He demanded waving her away and she teetered away on her heels to allow him to see the stage.

He stared at the stage and watched as the girl twirled around the poll too quickly to get a glimpse of her face. What he did see was a tramp stamp, but she was moving too quickly for him to make it out.

"What's so great about her?" he asked finishing off his beer in two gulps before setting it down loudly on the table.

The guys turned to him with varying looks of…some emotion he couldn't quite place. Clay looked alarmed, Tig looked as if he were trying not to laugh, Bobby looked uncomfortable, and Opie was looking at him as if he was about to break some terrible secret to him.

"Jax…does she look familiar?" Clay hedged out.

Jax turned back to the stage just as the girl came off the poll and slide into the splits. He blinked concentrating on her face, but he could only make out the profile since some of her hair was blocking her face. All he could make out was her nose and even though the small part of her looked vaguely familiar he couldn't place her.

"I can't see her face." He stated looking back at Clay with a furrowed brow.

"Jax…" Opie began his face filled with pain for whatever he was about to say.

"What?" Jax snapped sharply tired of all of the weirdness that seemed to surround them. What was there problem? Why was everyone looking so fucking oddly at him? Why did Opie look like he was about to tell him that he killed his mother? He light up a cigarette tired of all the uncomfortable tension.

He looked back at the stage just in time to see _Her_ turn around and begin to shake _Her_ ass. He felt the cigarette fall from his lips as his eyes zeroed in on the tattoo on _Her_ lower back. He could clearly make out _Her_ tramp stamp now, and it was one he remembered very vividly. He may even remember _Her_ getting it more than he remembered getting his own reaper. He had been there when _She'd_ gotten it from Happy after all.

The crow with his name ribboned below it was staring him right in the face and as he let his eyes move lower he took in the ass he knew just as well. God, he loved that ass. He used to dream about that ass. In all honesty he still did. He missed running his hands over it, smacking it while she gave him head or made love to him.

He watched in shocked horror as _She_ began to undo the ties of _Her_ bikini and let it fall as _She_ turned back around. He gulped as _She_ faced front and allowed a room full of half drunk men see _Her_ topless. He felt white-hot sharp anger curl around his gut and flow through his veins. His vision blurred around the edges and he felt jealousy like he'd never felt before.

He had never been much of a jealous man, except when it came to _Her._ Every time _She_ even talked to another guy he was filled with jealousy and possessiveness, but now as he took in the sight of _Her_ baring those glorious breasts that used to be for his eyes only to a room full of people he felt his blood boil. His vision darkened momentarily and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. Everything seemed to be moving too slow and the noise around him seemed to dull to a white noise.

He watched as _She_ made eye contact with someone giving them a seductive smile. And the heat seemed to increase ten fold if possible. He could literally hear his blood boiling in his ears.

 _She_ wasn't allowed to give anyone a seductive smile that wasn't him. _She_ was his. Only ever his. _She_ had the tattoo to prove it.

Suddenly he heard his name and someone was shaking his arm trying to get his attention.

"Jax! Jax! Jackson! You're pants! You dropped your cigarette, man." Opie said trying to bring him back to reality.

Jax looked down and saw that the cigarette he had dropped had burned a hole through his jeans.

"Trying to burn your dick off, man?" Opie said.

Jax looked up at him slowly only taking in every other word his friend was saying. It sounded like Opie was talking underwater. Nothing sounded right. There was a loud thudding in his ears and he felt like he couldn't breath.

"Jax? Jax? Are you okay, man?" Opie asked putting a hand on his shoulder.

Jax felt himself nod and then he turned back to _Her_ on the stage. _She_ seemed to be finishing up _Her_ set as the end of the song began to play out. Suddenly as in slow motion he got off the chair he had been occupying and made his way to the stage.

He heard someone call his name, but he ignored it, instead beginning to push people and things out of the way needing to get to the stage.

He felt as if his feet were too clumsy for his body and as he drew closer to the stagehe saw _Her_ give a few little shakes of _Her_ ass as some men near the stage hollered at _Her_ and through money onto the stage.

That seemed to be his breaking point.

He watched as the last guy through money onto the stage and lick his lips hungrily. Something in Jax seemed to snap and his vision blurred with red. He felt a rage blackout coming on, but he ignored that needing to make the man closest to him pay for looking at _his_ girl. His last coherent thought before he attacked the guy was, _so this is what a rage blackout feels like._

(A/n: What do you think? Please review!)


	2. Chapter 2: A Piece of Me Died

**Author's Note:** Wow! I was so impressed by the response to this story! Thank so much you! You guys are wonderful and I love that you like the story! I know a few of you have reservations about Tara stripping and I hope this chapter makes you see where she's coming from. If not that's okay too and thank you for reading! Especially those of you who are hesitant about the story, thank you for checking it out! And those of you who love it I'm so glad there's more to come and it's going to be pretty intense! A few warnings before we go on. This chapter is depressing! So I'm sorry, but there WILL be a happy ending! Second, Kohn is in this story, but not in this , there will be more jealous Jax! Promise Also there's a lot of swearing. You are forewarned! Thank you again for reading, reviewing, faovriting, and following!

 **Thank you: Ricciardi78, Guest, Guest, Guest, xhex1, Jen, saldred75, shannie83, Danae, beachgirl29, Guest, Guest, Guest, dickard23, Guest, Guest, RhondaL, kimmeyer7399, muzzarae, Tessaturd, NaeNae78, Crazzi-in-love, Ellavm18, Jo Jo, irihapeti96, ilovejaxandtara, xbeautifulsaddnessx, JordanMcGee, Guest, Guest(Brandy), ruehlem, Guest, Guest, decadenceofmysoul, wishuy, tinerabrown1, Samantha Renk, Little1009, samanthacutrell, ashdawn33, bsmouse, ammilligan, Guest, JLuv86, Guest, cinbur, Gladz08, luverofthings, & jcampbell943!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 2 A Piece of Me Died**

Tara couldn't believe this was happening. First off, she couldn't seem to breathe. Secondly, she couldn't concentrate. Thirdly, she was most definitely sure she was in shock.

She had to put her head between her knees and take deep breaths as Jade and Holli with an I tried to calm her down with anxiety-free exercises.

Tara couldn't seem to hear them clearly as they told her to hold her breath and count to three before slowly letting it out.

She couldn't believe she was having a full on panic attack after she had seen Jax for the first time in six years. She couldn't believe she had seen him attack some not exactly innocent, but for the most part innocent bystander for giving her some much needed money. She just couldn't believe what her life had come to.

What the serious fuck.

"Holy shit." She breathed putting her hands to her eyes. And then remembering that she had make-up already smeared across her face and she seriously didn't need to add to that.

"O? Are you okay?" Jade asked worriedly.

Tara shook her head slowly the scene between Jax and the other man still fresh in her mind.

"I have to say I've definitely never seen a boyfriend go so ballistic!" Holli with an I said casually.

Tara finally removed her head between her knees and looked over at Holli with an I.

"He's not my boyfriend." She whispered the truth of the words sticking her somewhere in her chest creating a sharp pain. Well, more painful than the full on panic attack she was having. She massaged the area subconsciously and tried not to think about how Jax _had_ been her boyfriend. A loving, amazing boyfriend who she loved with every fiber of her being.

But that was six years ago and times were different.

She was different.

"Not your boyfriend? Seriously! Honey, a guy who reacts like that is _definitely_ not a fuck. He's _definitely_ a boyfriend and most _definitely_ in love." Holli with an I said enthusiastically. Holli with an I was a serious romantic and Tara really didn't need romantic shit right now.

Tara gritted her teeth trying to block out Holli with an I's overuse of definitely. It happened to be her favorite word. She thought it applied to everything and after tonight she _definitely_ wasn't in the mood for the wannabe holistic healer. (Holli with an I was actually going to school for that, holistic healing shit, Tara couldn't make that up even if she tried.)

"He…he's my ex." Tara revealed sitting up straight and looking at her reflection in the mirror. She suddenly hated what she saw and she desperately felt the need to cover up her naked skin.

"Your ex? None of _my_ exes ever acted like that when I ran into them here. As a matter of fact they usually tried to hook up with one of the other girls to make me jealous. It never worked." Jade mused.

Tara nodded absentmindedly as she searched for her gym bag to change back into her street clothes.

"Was it a bad break up?" Holli with an I asked softly.

Tara felt a sudden guiltiness at having her previous thoughts about Holli with an I, she was just trying to be a friend and she had a good heart. Tara couldn't hate her for being worried about her. She was just not in the mood for Share-And-Tell. Jax always put her on edge too and even after so long apparently that was still the case.

"Kinda…it's a long story." Tara said finding her gym bag shoved deep under the desk the mirror rested on.

"What do you mean, 'kinda'? It either was or it wasn't." Jade said giving her a pointed look.

"Okay, well it was. Bad, I mean. Jax wanted me to stay and I wanted to go." She said shortening the very, _very_ heartbreaking break up in one sentence. She just needed to get out of there. She needed to find him and make sure he didn't destroy any other innocent bystanders who just wanted to come to the Gold Club for a good show.

"I need to find him." She announced removing the thong, tights, and heels she still wore.

Jade and Holli with an I exchanged looks and then gave her a sympathetic one.

"Are you sure you want to go talk to him. He seemed _definitely_ violent." Holli with an I said quietly.

"I need to. I mean, I at least need to explain why I…work here." She said glancing over at them.

"O, maybe you should give him some time. Holli is right, I've never seen anyone act like that when they saw a girlfriend or a boyfriend. That was like…intense shit." Jade said.

Tara shook her head as she got her jeans, black tank top, and hoodie out of her bag. She quickly got dressed and started shoving everything into her bag so the next girl could use her vanity.

"Aren't you going to finish your shift?" Jade asked watching her.

Tara shook her head, "I've been here for awhile anyway. I made a decent enough tonight. Here, can you give this to Pauley?" she asked shoving some money into Jade's hand for the House Charge.

Jade nodded counted the money and then pocketed it.

"Thank you." Tara said exchanging looks with both girls.

She was just out the door when Holli with an I called out to her.

"Your wig." She said gesturing to her hair.

Tara blushed, yelled a 'thanks', quickly ripped the wig off before taking her bag and disappearing out of the back door. She felt most of the girls in the dressing room's eyes on her and she knew she'd be the gossip of the night.

The week before it had been Melody who had, had a heroin overdose in the bathroom, this week it was O and her crazy ex boyfriend beating up clients on the floor.

Tara walked into the parking lot intent on finding Jax or at least Opie to tell her where Jax was. She didn't have far to search since she found the SONS, or the few members that were in the bar in a circle yelling loudly with the owner of the club, Johnny.

She had never officially met Johnny, but she had danced for him a few times and had been entertainment along with Jade and a few others at parties he had, had at his house. She didn't mind it until the guys got too drunk and started trying to proposition her. She was a staunch believer in not having sex for money, some people found that weird, but she was more a look-but-don't-touch stripper. And when they got too grabby she used some self-defense moves Gemma had taught her a lifetime and a half ago.

She moved forward quietly in her black high tops looking around for Jax, but she didn't find him anywhere. Frowning she took another step toward the group when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned and found herself face to face with Opie.

"I wouldn't go over there if I were you." he advised taking a drag on his cigarette.

She glanced over at the group of guys, but the absence of blonde hair made her insides turn icy cold.

"Where's Jax?" she asked quietly.

Opie hesitated for a brief moment and then nodded behind him toward a picnic table under a large tree on the outskirts of the parking lot. It was a ways away and sometimes the girls sat to have a smoke when they wanted to get away from the club for a few minutes. In the dark she could just make out a figure sitting on top of the table smoke surrounding him.

"We finally got him to calm down." Opie supplied when she didn't respond.

"How angry is he?"

"Well the good news is that I think he's done with the fit of rage he was in. The bad news…he's still the angriest I've ever seen him. And that includes the time you tried to make him jealous by drunkenly kissing Hale at that stupid sweet sixteen party Melanie Fryers had."

Tara smiled briefly at the memory and then winced when she remembered how Jax had flipped out on Hale and punched him in the face breaking his nose. She had tried to explain that, that was how she felt every time she saw him with another girl, but it went over his head and instead he had to lay his claim on her. Which basically resulted in a dozen or so hickeys all over her body.

"Should I…?" she trailed off hesitantly.

Opie shrugged, "That's on you. It's your funeral."

Tara took a step forward to go confront Jax, but paused when she heard a particularly loud crack break through the night. She looked over at Johnny and the SONS and saw that Johnny was no longer standing and instead on the ground bleeding. She looked over at Opie who was watching the scene unfold as well.

"What's going on there?" she asked quietly so as not to draw attention to herself.

Opie glanced at her and then back at the circle. He took a drag on his cigarette and then sighed. "Trying to go back on some business…He's kinda pissed at Jax. Well not kinda. He _is_ pissed at Jax. I guess Jax attacked some big spender. And Johnny's trying to get money out of the whole thing, threatening us and shit. It'll blow over though."

Tara bit her lip and wondered briefly if she was going to lose her job over it, but technically she was self-employed. Sure, she had to pay a fee for dancing there, but for the most part she made her own hours and did things the way she wanted to do. She wasn't even sure she could get fired in all honesty. It's night like the strip club even had rules, other than look-but-don't-touch, although the rule was more look-but-only-touch-in-the-back-rooms.

Tara nodded finally and then turned away from Opie to walk toward Jax. She came to a stop in front of him and then tossed her bag on the seat beside him. She opened her mouth to say something to him, but no words came to her to accurately describe anything. At all. She wasn't sure what to say to him after leaving him six years before.

She could start with apologizing. But she wasn't apologizing for following her dreams. She could tell him she missed him, but that would open up a whole can of worms. Or she could tell him not to attack people at her job, which would lead to an argument that had no business taking place, since they hadn't seen each other for six years and they had 'moved on' whatever that meant.

She was pretty sure she'd never fully get over Jackson Teller. If she knew anything _that_ was something she was absolutely sure of. He wasn't an easy man to forget, but sometimes she wondered if she romanticized their relationship in her head. Sometimes she wondered if she loved him the way she remembered, but seeing him here, now with his head bent forward, his breathing heavy with anger and jealousy – because let's face it, he was definitely jealous Holli with an I was right in saying that no ex did that without feeling something deeply for the other person – his hands clenched into fists, and his knuckles covered in blood.

Without speaking she moved a hand forward and placed a finger on his chin. She lifted his head up until his cerulean eyes were directed on her and she let a breath she had no idea she was holding loose.

"What were you thinking, Jackson?" she asked quietly.

His blue gaze turned icy and he yanked his head free from her touch. She felt her weakly patched heart stutter at the rage filled look he gave her and she tried to ignore the twinges of pain.

It had been _six_ years, she couldn't seriously feel _that_ hurt that he didn't want her to touch him. They had left things a mess after all and finding her in a strip club probably wasn't really helping repair the damage they had caused to each other.

"What were _you_?" he snarled standing up and forcing her to take some steps back.

She looked up at him defiantly and crossed her arms over her chest whether to block herself from the hurtful words that were about to be thrown at her or from the coldness of the night, she wasn't sure. What she did know was that this fight they were about to have would be a dozy.

"Jax—" She began, but was cut off by Jax's anger.

"A strip club, Tara! A fucking _strip_ club! Are you out of your goddamn mind?" he growled taking a step forward and into her personal space.

She took a step back knowing if she was going to fight back she needed space from him. He was always getting into her personal space and making her thoughts all jumbled. She couldn't think with him so near her.

"It's not about you, Jax! It was about the fact that I needed money and this—" she gestured back to the club behind her. "This was the only way!" she snapped feeling the shock from seeing him again dissipate and the anger she had been fighting overcome her.

"The only way? How is _stripping_ the _only_ way?! Taking your clothes off for fucking _strangers_ the only way to make money! And on top of that why the _fuck_ are you not in San Diego! Wasn't that the _whole_ point of leaving Charming? To go be a fucking _doctor_! Are you even a doctor or did you just leave Charming to become a stripper! God! Was this even real?" he asked motioning between the two of them. He let out a breathy mirthless laugh and took a step back from her back toward the picnic table.

She looked at him aghast trying to find words that kept failing her. He thought that their relationship was false? That how she felt for him wasn't real?

"What the _hell_ are you talking about Jackson Teller?! First of all, there's a thing called _Medical_ School. I'm in it. It comes after getting a Bachelors degree. I go to _Stanford_ for your information! And second, I left Charming to achieve my dreams and guess what _stripping_ is paying the student loans! If you don't remember I'm poor! I have an alcoholic father who didn't give me _shit_ for school and I'm not about to drown in student loans when I'm finally a doctor. Third, yes we were _real_. I _loved_ you. I loved you so much that I couldn't breath sometimes. I couldn't even be with another man until I was in my _second_ year of school. All I thought about was _you_. All I wanted was _you_ and you wouldn't come with me!" she screamed at him surprised at the sudden onset of anger that was unleashed. She pushed him back a step and watched as he stumbled against the picnic table and then dropped onto the bench.

He stared at her and she watched as her words sunk in.

"Why stripping? You could do literally anything else. You can't…you aren't a stripper. You're so much…more." He said his voice still filled with anger, but she could hear the desperation underneath.

She looked away and tried to figure out a way for him to understand. He would never understand where she was coming from, not fully. It was just like when she would cook her father dinner every night and he would never eat it because he was usually passed out drunk. Jax didn't understand that either, but it was the fact that she needed to cook her father dinner so she could hold on to some piece of normalcy because he was her father and she loved him, despite everything.

Now, was no different. Jax had grown up with two parents who weren't the best role models, but they were never poor. Tara had always had nothing. It was ground into her, since she was nine years old when her mother died that she'd turn out exactly like her father and _be_ nothing. But going to college was something she needed. She needed to do something with her life. She wanted to help people and if stripping was how she would get there she could manage taking her clothes off for a few years. It was the endgame that was important, becoming a doctor was the endgame and if she had to get her hands dirty while getting there than so be it. Stripping was temporary, it always had been. Helping people, being a doctor was where she was ending up.

"I'm glad you think I'm above stripping. Hanging out with all those croweaters will teach you who is worth more and less, I guess." She said somewhat bitterly.

She sighed heavily when he threw her an annoyed look and she sat down on the bench beside him.

"It's not about me or you, Jax. It's about the endgame. I can't afford _anything_. I went to college in San Diego because I got a full ride and it had a great pre-med program. I went to Stanford because they gave me some money, but it also had a great Medical School. When I first got here I thought I could just take a job and take some loans out and then I'd have enough for rent and to pay some school, but…it's hard to be in Medical School and work a job. I found stripping…accidentally, but Jax…I make so much money. I make enough to not have to take out loans and to pay in installments. It's…it's not ideal, but it's only temporary." She said reciting the last sentence with vigor.

She had to tell herself that it was only temporary on multiple occasions, especially when the customers were too handsy or she felt dirty for even working at the Gold Club. As much money as she made while stripping she always had to wonder in the back of her mind if it was worth it. It felt demeaning taking her clothes off, but…she was a survivor and, like she repeated to herself every time she worked, it was temporary.

"I don't like it. You deserve better." He said shortly glaring at her.

"We all deserve better than the hands we're dealt." She said softly.

He growled and stood up beginning to pace in front of her. "You should stop." He bit out finally.

She let her mouth drop open and she stared at him in amazement. "You didn't just tell me what I should and shouldn't do, Jackson Teller! I am an adult and my own person! We aren't dating anymore so you have no right to waltz into my _job, attack_ a customer, and then _tell_ me to quit. You have no claim on me! Just like I don't go into the clubhouse and tell you to leave Charming with me – oh wait! I did do that and it didn't work." She took a deep breath and then stood up, she was angry again and her anger was driving her. She got in his face and poked a finger into his chest.

"You have no right! No fucking right, Jax, telling me that I need to quit! If I quit then what? Are you going to be the one paying for the one hundred thousand dollar tuition? Are you going to pay for my apartment, my food, my utilities?" she punctuated each question with a sharp poke to his chest, but he refused to take a step back instead staying planted where he was glaring down at her.

"Maybe I would." He finally snarled when she stopped yelling and poking him.

"Maybe you would, what?" she snapped back crossing her arms and glowering up at him.

"Pay for it. Take care of you. Maybe I'll come visit you every weekend." He growled back.

She took a step back in shock at his suggestion and then she let out a choked laugh at the very idea.

"Jax…we both have separate lives. You're in the Club and I'm trying to be a doctor. You would seriously ride the _two_ hours every weekend? How would you…you know what, never mind. That is one thing that is…not happening." She stuttered out shaking her head.

He frowned and took a step toward her putting his hands on her shoulders.

"If you stop stripping—" he began.

And she let out an incensed strangled laugh, "fuck you, Jax."

He opened his mouth to respond, but she ignored him and lunged for her bag on the picnic table.

"Tara!" he said grabbing her arm as she moved to walk away.

She yanked her arm out of his grasp and pointedly glared at him when he took a step toward her to try and stop her again.

"Don't come back here, Jax. Just…don't." she said looking over his left shoulder before turning around and heading back toward the parking lot.

"Wait!" he said moving toward her again and trying to get her to stop.

"Tara!" he called out catching her arm again to stop her.

"Jax! Stop!" she shouted trying to wrestle her arm out of his grip again.

"No! I can't! I just…come on, Tara! Can't we talk, please?" he said putting his hand on her other arm to make sure she didn't get away.

"Talk about what? You trying to force me to quit by giving me false promises or is there something else you want to talk about?" she snapped.

"It's been _six_ years." He blurted out a look of vulnerability crossing his face.

She felt herself pause at that and her heart sped up. "I know." She whispered ducking her head away from his gaze. All of the anger seemed to melt out of her at that statement and without the pent up fury she just felt…tired. Exhausted. Sad.

"Did you…did you miss me at all?" he asked just as quietly.

She looked up into his eyes and even in the darkness she could see the bashful vulnerability shining through.

"Of course," She breathed. "I missed you more than everything…but I can't go back to Charming, Jax. I'll die if I go back."

He blinked at her declaration and then let his hands drop from her shoulders.

"And I can't leave Charming."

She nodded slowly and let her eyes close momentarily wanting to hold on to this moment, right before they said goodbye for a second time.

"I still love you, you know." He whispered so quietly she wondered if she had imagined it.

"I know." She said opening her eyes and looking right into those baby blues she still loved so much. "I love you too…still. Always."

He gave her a shy grin and leaned forward to capture her lips with his, but she took a step back and gave him an apologetic smile.

"We're at an impasse, Jax…I'm sorry, but…I'm just…sorry. I can't." She said quickly.

She knew if he kissed her she would never have the desire to leave him ever again. One of the scariest things about her relationship with Jax was how easily she forgot everything else. When she was applying to colleges she almost didn't go through with filling the applications out because she couldn't bear the idea of leaving him. All she wanted was to be with him and she was willing to give up everything else, she couldn't let her love for him pull her in again.

Before he could stop her again she disappeared into the darkness leaving him alone once again.

(A/N: What do you think? What's going to happen now?! More soon!)


	3. Chapter 3: Like Before

**Author's Note:** Thank you everyone fore reading and reviewing! You guys as always never cease to amaze me! I really am enjoying writing the story so far! So I love to hear/read that you guys are enjoying reading it! So I thank you again for checking it out and favoriting, following, reading, and reviewing! You guys are seriously awesome! and it definitely helps seeing your awesome feedback after a shitty day, like today. Anywho! I hope you enjoy!

 **Thank you to: wanderinggypsyfeet, Guest, Guest, krystalepley, traceyklewis, Guest, Tessaturd, Soajaxtara, TheFandomLounge, Guest, samanthacutrell, Jona, Ellavm18, cinbur, Guest, saraison298, Shan1015, JLuv86, Majestic butterfly, sjcastillo, Guest, SassyReaderGirl, RhondaL, ilovejaxandtara, Danae, tinerabrown1, jcampbell943, decadenceofmysoul, Little1009, amralolic58, saldred75, muzzarae, JaraSoa2008, & Gladz08!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 3 Like Before**

After Tara left Jax she went home and cried.

Like she was going to do anything else after seeing the love of her life after six years.

So she allowed herself a night to feel shitty and alone, and the next day she took the night off trying not to think about how she was losing out on a lot of money. But after she took some time to come to terms with that fucking Tuesday night she decided that enough was enough and she needed to get back into the groove of things. There was no sense in wanting a guy who would only break your heart.

She had plans.

Big plans.

And Jackson Teller wasn't going to screw her plans up. So what if she still loved Jax? She had left Charming to _be_ _something_ , she wasn't going to go back because she cared so much for a boy she was willing to ruin her entire life.

She left for a reason and she was going to stay away for a reason. She had solidified her resolve…but that didn't mean she didn't think about driving to Charming at least twenty hours out of the day.

She had even started looking at the door at the Gold Club every time it opened as she wondered whether Jax would be walking in to 'save' her from this place.

Sometimes she daydreamed about seeing him in her place of work again, and sometimes she wished he'd show up at her apartment and demanded she take him back.

Not that she was thinking about getting back with him, she didn't work this hard just to go back to Jax. She wasn't going to quit, no matter what. She'd made it this far and she was already half way there. She'd go the distance, she had her dream within her grasp, just a few more years of hard work and then she had accomplished everything she had ever wanted.

Except Jax. She wouldn't have Jax and as much as that hurt to admit, it was for the best. At least that what she kept telling herself.

They were two different people and as much as she loved him she knew they were at two different places in their lives. He was becoming a member of the SONS, and she was working her way through Medical School.

Maybe once she was done and all her dreams had come true, she'd go back to the place she hated more than anything, just to be with Jax.

Maybe in five or seven years when she was all done with her schooling and residency she'd go and look for him, but right now… She needed to be okay with giving up on love just so she could be something bigger than an alcoholic's daughter.

It had been three weeks since Tara had seen Jax and she missed him more than she had when she left for San Diego, and that was saying something, since she had been the shadow of her former self for months while she got used to being away from him.

She had cried more in those few months after she left than she had in years. The only way she had come back to being herself was with school. She threw herself into her schoolwork and tried to pretend like everything was fine.

It wasn't.

And now that she had to go through their second 'goodbye' she seemed to regress and go back to her eighteen year old self. It wasn't ideal and it was really fucking with her head.

She had half a mind just to drive down to Charming and tell Jax off for accidentally finding her in the first place.

She didn't even want to get started on what the rest of the SONS thought of her little show. Even though she had talked to Opie briefly before her final showdown with Jax and he hadn't said anything about her job, she knew that it was probably still on their minds. How could it not be? She'd practically grown up in that life because of her father's affinity to alcohol and cheap blondes. She'd known most of those men her entire life and now they would associate her with being a stripper instead of the doctor she had wanted to prove to them all she could be.

After three weeks of being able to process what had happened at the Gold Club she came to the conclusion that she would just forget about it. Go back to business as usual. And thank God for school and the lovely distraction that was in the form of hours of homework. It was a Godsend, really.

So now here she was finishing up her second set of the night and then going onto the floor to see if any lonely guys would like a dance. She just had to stop looking at the door every five minutes if she was going to make any dollars tonight.

"Hey, can I get a dance?"

Tara glanced over at the guy who was asking her. He looked vaguely familiar, but she couldn't remember who he was. She figured he must've been in here another time or at least she hoped so. She really didn't need any more surprises.

She took in his salt and pepper hair and the mildly handsome face. He was wearing a black suit, and looked like most of the other guys who came in here after work and before going home to their wives.

"Sure. It's twenty." She said coming to stand in front of her.

He smiled and fished out two twenties from his wallet.

"Two songs." He said moving forward a little and tucking the money in her thong.

She gave him a stiff smile and began dancing to the song that had conveniently just came on. She concentrated on his eyes knowing that guys really liked that and she let her body move to the slow jam.

"What's your name?" he asked reaching out to touch her, but she moved out of the way.

"No touching. House rules." She stated ignoring his question.

He put his hand up in surrender and smirked at her. "So what's your name?"

She sighed and turned around, "O."

"I meant your real name." he said a hard note in his tone.

She turned back around and raised an eyebrow at him. "O."

He frowned and stared up at her. "I'm Joshua."

"Nice to meet you." she said as the first song finished.

He scowled at her and she began to move to the next song.

"Tell me your real name." he demanded.

She frowned and stopped for a second, "no. I don't think so."

He looked away from her and over to the stage. She slowly began to move her hips to the music knowing she couldn't afford to give back the twenty he'd given her. If she hadn't taken some days off to wallow and didn't already need the money she would've given it back and went to go find someone else, but she did need the money.

"You danced for me before." Joshua said looking back at her.

She blinked in surprise trying to keep her face impassive as she thought back to when she could've met him. Her life was literally divided into two parts right now. Before seeing Jax again and after.

She assumed dancing for this man, Joshua had happened before. But then again her mind had been mostly focused on trying not to think of Jax, so it could be very well after as well.

"About a month ago." He supplied.

She nodded slowly and then suddenly it dawned on her. He was the weirdo who had tried to grab her about two weeks before Jax came back into her life. He had also been subsequently thrown out by security.

She took a slight step back feeling suddenly very on alert about this man. Thankfully the ending notes of the second song ended and she was free to walk away.

"It was nice meeting you." she said and then hurried away to someone else to entertain, but she couldn't seem to shake the feel of his eyes on her the rest of her night.

* * *

A few days after the weird encounter at the Gold Club, Tara came home to find someone leaning against her apartment door. It was ironic that after weeks of hoping to see Jax and wondering if he was going to pop out of nowhere her immediate thought when she saw the lone figure in the hallway was that it was the creepy guy from the Gold Club.

It had been a long and hard day at school and then an even longer night at work. She was so ready to cuddle into her bed with a glass of wine and watch some episodes of some mindless sitcom on TV.

Now, though she found herself hesitating at the end of her hallway as she saw the dark figure leaning against the wall. She was standing at the end of the staircase and could only see the dark outline of the person in the dim lighting. One thing she could make out, though were flowers in his hand.

She felt her heart flip-flop when she saw Ocean Breeze Orchids in the person's hand and automatically she knew whom it was.

She began walking toward her door feeling a mixture of happiness and wariness at the fact that Jax just showed up at her apartment after three weeks of neither of them talking to one another. She felt like she should feel angry or surprised about the encounter, but in reality she knew this would happen sooner or later. As much as she had thought he was just going to leave things the way they had on that fateful Tuesday, she had a feeling she'd be seeing him again.

And even though she had tried to talk herself out of seeing him again or talking to him further or hell even going to Charming, she was glad to see him. She would always be glad to see him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked wincing internally at how much like a broken record she sounded.

Jax moved away from the wall and looked down at her an unreadable expression on his face. Then he looked down at the flowers, as if surprised to find them in his hand and thrusted them out to her.

"These are for you." He said ducking his head shyly and trying to hand over the flowers.

She stared at him in awe not knowing what to say for a few minutes. "You…brought me flowers?" she said dumbly.

Jax had brought her flowers only one time before, and that was after a particularly nasty fight when she had told him she wanted to go to college. That was years and years ago and he had brought her the same exact flowers because he knew they were her favorite.

She felt her heart swell with emotion for this man and she wanted to take back every angry thought she had, had toward him in the last few weeks. She also knew that as much as she knew logically they wouldn't work because of the many obstacles and variables in their lives she so desperately wanted them to have another chance.

It was so much easier to tell herself they wouldn't work out when he wasn't right in front of her looking adorably out of character with orchids in one hand and a half smoked cigarette in the other.

She felt her throat close up with emotion and she worried momentarily that she was going to start crying, especially after the wacky few days she had, had.

"Thank you." She said finally when she felt like her voice wouldn't waver.

He nodded and she took the flowers hesitantly as if she was going to wake from the dream she must be having.

Jax was at her apartment and shoving flowers into her hand to apologize to her, she had to be dreaming.

She paused and sniffed them before letting her eyes raise to his own. She gave him a gentle smile and then put the key in her door to open her apartment.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked stepping to the side to allow him into her home.

"Sure." he said and stepped inside.

She watched as he looked around her apartment and suddenly she felt very self-conscious at how messy it was.

"I'm sorry for the mess." She apologized hurrying past him and into the kitchen to get something to put the flowers in.

"It's fine." He said following after her.

She glanced over at him and smiled suddenly amazed that he was actually _here_ , standing in her living room/kitchen/dining room.

"So…what is this?" she asked when she was finished setting the flowers up.

He smirked at her and moved closer to her. "Tara, these are flowers and I brought them for you." he said waving to the vase she had put on her counter.

She glared at him and put her hands on her hips. "Seriously, Jax. Why are you here? And bringing me flowers? God…I haven't gotten flowers in years." She said shaking her head in disbelief.

He shrugged and took another step closer to her. "Because I wanted to. I was thinking about you and… I just figured you'd like them."

"You knew, I'd like them. They're my favorite." She said rolling her eyes and cocking her head to the side.

"So?" she asked when all he did was smile that damn infuriating smile at her. The one that always made her knees weak and gave her a clue that he was up to no good.

"Can't I just come see you?" he said quietly taking the final step toward her so that he hovered over her.

She narrowed her eyes at him and lifted her chin. "Not when I didn't even tell you where I live."

He chuckled and looked over her shoulder. "Nothing gets past you."

"You better believe it. Now, tell me what's going on?" she asked leaning into the counter behind her.

He sighed and ran a hand across his face. "I just…I can't stop thinking about that night."

She looked away and tried not to think about how fast her heart was beating at having him so close.

"Jax, if this is you coming to ask me to quit—"

"It wouldn't work would it?"

She glanced up at him taking in the desperation in his eyes and she wondered how long it had taken him to get enough courage to come up to Palo Alto just to ask her to quit her job. Again. Or at least see her after their last encounter.

"It won't make a difference. Unless you want to pay—"

"And what would you do if I offered?" he asked cutting her off quickly.

She blinked in surprise not knowing what to say to that. Was he being serious? Was he actually…considering paying for her school?

"Jax…what are you saying?" she asked quietly.

He shrugged casually and rocked back on his heels. "Just that if you _wanted_ I've been thinking about what you said and I'd be _willing_ to pay. If you want."

She stared at him in shock. She really wasn't even sure how to respond.

Her first thought was whether this was a joke. Her second, was where would he get the money. And her third went immediately to the SONS and how he'd be paying her school.

"Jackson, I-I can't. That's so much money. I wouldn't be able to pay you back." She whispered still in shock over his offer.

"Tara, I don't want you to pay me back. I want you to stop stripping." He said forcefully.

She scoffed and moved further into the counter until it was digging in the small of her back.

"So this is some overprotective, jealous, possessive bullshit? Jax, I'm not doing this. I'm not going to quit my job so you can feel better! You can't just offer to pay for my schooling, especially because we aren't even together. Hell, we aren't even friends!" she exclaimed.

"Well maybe I want to change that!" he snapped.

"Change what?"

"Our relationship."

"We don't have a relationship! I haven't seen you in six years!"

"And whose fault is that?" he snarled.

She glowered up at him and then closed her eyes to count down from ten so she could gather her thoughts before they could continue to lash out at each other.

"Jax, what do you want from me?" she asked feeling suddenly very tired. She was tired of arguing with him, especially when it was about the same thing. It was exhausting. He was exhausting. But she loved him still so much and she didn't know what to do with all of these intense feelings.

He stared down at her, his blue eyes boring into her until they seemed to see right through to her. She wanted to look away, but the intensity she saw in those blue pools kept her standing before him waiting to hear what he had to say, even if it was likely going to be something that tore another hole in her heart.

"That's such a loaded question, Tara." He mumbled chuckling darkly.

"Start from the beginning."

He nodded slowly and reached out to run a gentle finger across her cheek.

"I want to see you again. And I want to take care of you. I want it like how it was before." He said quietly his eyes never leaving her face.

She gave him a sad smile. "And how should we do that? Be friends?" She retorted sardonically.

He smirked slightly his tone hopeful when he replied, "maybe? I could come up to visit…I can pay for your schooling. We could be _together_ , again. Like we used to be."

She bit her tongue to keep the tears at bay because what he was saying sounded _so good_. She so desperately wanted to believe his words, to believe that they could make this work. She was quiet for a few minutes letting his words sink in. She felt so torn. The hopeful look on his face and the desire in her heart were wining out against the logic in her brain.

"Jax, this is ridiculous!" she said shaking her head incredulously, "How are we supposed to have a relationship when we're two hours away from each other? And how are you supposed to pay for my schooling? With money from the Club?"

He shrugged carelessly and brought his hands to rest on her shoulders. "Tara, if there is one thing that I know right now is that I don't want to lose you again. I lived without you for six years and I'm not doing that again. Now that I've seen you again I know that all I want is a second chance. We can do this, I'm willing to go all in. Are you?"

She gulped seeing the sincerity in his eyes and slowly she found herself nodding, because she had lived six years without him too and she really hated it. Seeing him again was like breathing for the first time in years. She felt lighter as if a pressure had been lifted from her.

"I-I think we should start slow. I don't…I would like us to be friends and the rest of the stuff…we can figure out."

She watched as his face fell a little, but then recovered by giving her a charming smile. "That's what you want? To be _friends_?"

"Honestly, I want to see how serious you are about all of this. We live _two hours_ away from each other. We both live busy lives. If we can maintain…anything then, yes, we should try to be together again," she paused and made sure to look him right in the eye. "But Jax, I'm not going to take the money you make from the Club. I'll continue working until I can quit." She said watching as his eyes darkened at her words.

He opened his mouth to refute her words, but she shook her head already knowing he was going to attempt to talk her out of it.

"Can we try going slow? At least for a little while? I just…I mean, we've both changed and I don't want to jump into anything." She said.

He nodded slowly unhappiness evident in his eyes.

"I haven't changed that much." He said softly.

"That's what I'm afraid of." She said attempting to make a joke.

He rolled his eyes and leaned closer. "So what does this friends thing entail? Can I kiss you?"

She smirked and slid away from him to the other side of the kitchen. "If you kiss me you won't be leaving here tonight."

A grin graced his face and he took a predatory step toward her. She recognized the glint in his eyes and she took a step back.

"No Jax, you really…it's been a long day. Thank you for the flowers." She said hastily trying to keep some semblance of resolve against kissing him. But really she had no idea how she was going to. He was here, and he wanted to try again with her, albeit it was terrible timed and she knew they should keep things simple, but having him right in front of her was almost too much. Especially when she knew he had rode so far.

He stalked toward her and leaned down his hands brushing over her pale skin. He moved until he was so close to her lips she could feel his breath upon them.

"I'll see you soon." He whispered and right as she thought he was just going to move back and leave he pressed his soft lips against hers in that hard demanding way that always got her blood going. She stood stock still and right as she was about to respond he took a step back and grinned playfully at her.

"I'll see you later, _Doctor Knowles_." He said winking at her.

She felt her knees weaken at his departing words and she leaned into the counter to keep from sliding into a pool of goo. She watched him leave her apartment and vaguely she realized that this was the first time _he_ had left _her_. But she also knew he would be back, he had just as hard of a time staying away from her as she did with him.

Besides, now they were trying this whole _friends_ _thing_ , although really it was a way for her to test the waters and see if a relationship was doable between them again, and maybe it was also a way to prove that Jax really did want to be with her again.

(A/n: so what did you think? Please review!)


	4. Chapter 4: Promise You Remember That You

**Author's Note:** First of all **I am so sorry** that it's taken me so long to update! I got a job and moved into a temporary place and didn't have wifi for awhile and then I went through a 'I have no good ideas and my writing sucks' writers block. And now here we are two months later. The chapter is kind of filler and really setting up the next few chapters, which just warning are going to get kinda dark, but it's going to happen organically and slowly. I'm excited about how it's going to go. Anyway I hope people are still reading, which leads me to two, **THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR READING AND REVIEWING! AND FAVORITING AND FOLLOWING! You guys are so amazing! And awesome!** I'm always blown away by you guys! I'm hoping to get back on track with writing once I move into my final apartment (it's been a confusing few months) I should get back on track. Third, yes I will be finishing this story don't worry I just got side tracked. And it is a happy ending! Promise. Fourth, _jo_ _jo_ Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Unfortunately this story will not have anyone getting pregnant in it. I just finished a pregnancy story so I wanted this one to not have any kids or pregnancy in it,you could try my previous story and the next story I write will. I just wanted to try something different in this story and explore a different storyline. Fifth Joshua will have a strong presence in the story, and I'm not sure on Wendy, I'm leaning towards no, but I'm not 100% sure, she won't be a love interest though. And sixth have a happy Thanksgiving and if you don't then have a happy week! I will be updating soon! Stay safe!

 **Thank you to: Crazy808, Guest, Alisha, Cole Ortiz, Xhex1, shannie83, Mary, jo jo, Crazzi-in-love, luball8, Mz Lynn Marie, ruehlem, Guest, Danae, kimmeyer7399, Guest, Guest, Tessaturd, Guest, Story Junky, samathancutrell, Samantha Renk, cinbur, Guest, Guest (Brandi), cassie stuart1, NaeNae78, Gladz08, Ellavm18, ilovejaxandtara, RhondaL, decadenceofmysoul, ammiligan, lenarose0505, Guest, JaraSoa2008, muzzarae, samantharhoades37, Shan1015, Little1009, saldred75, ShyAnarchy, jcampbell943, & wanderinggypsyfeet!**

 **Chapter 4** : **Promise You'll Remember That You're Mine  
**

 _Three Weeks Before_

After Tara left Jax at the Gold Club he rode home on his bike and went straight to the club. He proceeded to drink as many shots and beers as he could stomach before he stumbled upstairs with some trashy looking blonde croweater and buried himself in her.

But just like every other time for the past six years, since he'd last slept with Tara he only saw her beautiful face.

Gone were trashy lipstick, dark blue eye-shadow, fake boobs, and the overly tanned skin. Gone were the words of encouragement and the pornstar moans.

He only saw chocolate brown hair, electric green cat-like eyes, pink pouty lips, smooth alabaster skin, and perfect breasts. He only heard the soft, yet audible moans of encouragement, and the way she always called out his entire name.

 _Jackson._

Not Jax. It was always _Jackson_ when they were in bed together.

He'd feel and see Tara all around him and as he came into the condom he realized he couldn't continue doing this.

He wanted Tara, only Tara.

He knew where she was.

He was prepared to fight for her.

So why couldn't he?

He wanted his happy ending with her and only her, so why get lost in all the meaningless bullshit?

He didn't want trashy girls or croweaters.

He only wanted Tara.

And with that in mind he decided he needed a plan to win back the only girl he would ever love.

It took exactly three weeks before he was ready to execute his plan. He also didn't want to seem overly eager, and he didn't want Tara to expect anything.

It was difficult to not ride the two-hour drive to go see her sooner, but he knew it all came down to timing and he wanted everything to be perfect.

He was reminded of the months he'd spent asking Tara out before she finally gave in when they were in high school. He remembered how each time he asked her out it became more and more elaborate until she finally said yes. He had wanted her _so bad_ that he was willing to go above and beyond. And to this day she was the only girl he'd ever do that for. He just hoped all of his planning wasn't in vain and she actually gave him a second chance.

* * *

Jax was happy, and it had been awhile since he was able to say that. Ever since he had finally gone to see Tara in Palo Alto he had been living on cloud nine. True, it wasn't what he exactly wanted and it wasn't what he had imagined for their relationship, but it was definitely an improvement.

They were going to try this _friends thing_.

Although he knew it would turn into more sooner rather than later. He knew it was Tara's way of testing him. And he was prepared to pass with flying colors. He knew her better than she knew herself, so he knew that she was just seeing if he was really serious about getting back together.

And he was going to show her how serious he was.

He thought the added touch of the flowers was what really pushed her over the edge. He felt like such a loser picking them out, but the look on her face when he gave them to her made him feel like it was all worth it. The soft expression that appeared in her eyes and the bashful look on her face was really what got him. He made a mental note to bring her little girly things more often.

When they had started dating he had given her little things, like chocolates or stolen daisies from neighbor's yards. On occasion he'd give her things from his room, like his SAMCRO shirt. But he never brought her _flowers_ , except once after a particularly nasty fight they had, had. Flowers to him always screamed begging to apologize and trying to suck up.

Which was what he ended up doing.

On the other hand they legitimately worked so he'd have to do it more. Especially, if he was going to make Tara want to be more than _friends_.

As their relationship went from one year to two to three he stopped wooing her the way he used to. He wondered if she cared that he had stopped. He still did on occasion, like anniversaries or birthdays, but he was never the kind of guy to chase a girl.

Unless it was Tara.

She was the only girl he'd bought jewelry for, or gave his SAMCRO shirt to. She was the only girl he attempted to cook dinner for on her eighteenth birthday or on Christmas brought to his house for dinner. She was the only girl to meet his crazy mother or know how close he had been with his younger brother, Thomas. She was there and knew all of it, and he didn't want anything different.

So yeah, he could be _just friends_ with the girl he'd never stopped loving, but that didn't mean he'd like it.

Or accept it.

He was going to change her mind.

And he was really going to enjoy doing it.

* * *

Tara was bored at work. It was a Wednesday and those were notoriously dead. Wednesday was the day the other bars in town also had drink specials and usually people went to those before coming to the Gold Club later. So here she was dancing for a mere ten people.

When she left the stage she began to walk the floor trying to make flirty eyes at anyone that looked to be a good target. It was as she came to the end of circling the floor did her eyes meet the guy who she had given a dance to a week earlier sitting at the end of the bar. The guy named Joshua.

She'd normally have forgotten his name, but he wasn't hard to forget. The way he had stared at her had successfully creeped her out.

She had even mentioned the weird encounter to one of the girls, Melody, who while commiserated in the weirdness had brushed it off as a guy being another creep.

Then she went on to explain why dating women was so much less stressful. But Tara knew that wasn't all the way true, since Melody always had a problem with her girlfriend, Sandra, who also worked at the club. They usually got into a fight every week.

Also Melody had just had a drug overdose so she wasn't exactly in the best state of mind. Tara would've normally told Jade, who was the only sane person at the club, but Jade hadn't been working and Tara really needed to tell someone what was going on.

So, Melody it was. It had seemed like a good idea too, since out of all the girls Melody was the one who had to deal with the most creepy guys. She always joked that she was a Creep Guy Magnet because she was a lesbian, so Tara figured she'd get it.

As Tara looked over at Joshua warily she watched him tilt a finger and wave her over. Reluctantly she began to walk over.

"Do you remember me?" Joshua asked patting the seat beside him.

Tara hesitated before sitting down unsure how she could get out of this one.

"Yes."

"Good. I remember you too." He said smiling at her.

She tried to smile at him, but her lips seemed to get stuck and she was sure it came out more as a grimace.

"I don't _ever_ forget a beautiful face." He added moving a fraction of an inch closer.

She turned away and looked over at the bartender for the night, Ricky, who was arguing with a very drunk college student.

"So what's your real name?" Joshua asked bringing her attention back to him.

She sighed, "I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable sharing it. Just call me O."

"Why? Aren't we friends? A girl as beautiful as you should have a better name than _O_. It sounds too provocative." Joshua said disdainfully.

She frowned slightly, "I work in a _strip club_ , I think O is perfect."

"What does O stand for?" he asked.

She sighed heavily, "Joshua—"

"You remember my name too, that's a good sign." He said sliding an inch closer.

She moved away slightly and tried to think of an excuse to leave. "Listen—"

"Could I get a dance?" he asked interrupting her and slapping a few twenties onto the bar counter.

She hesitated for a fraction of a second, knowing she needed the money, but her instincts were screaming at her to get away.

"Maybe we can take this into one of the backrooms? I've heard that's where the real action is. I could pay you a little _extra_ …for _something_ _extra_." He purred leaning into whisper into her ear.

She jerked away and gave him a detached smile. "Sorry. I don't do that."

And then she turned and walked away going directly into the back of the club. She wasn't sure what it was about that guy, but he gave her the creeps.

She leaned against the back of the wall and took several deep breaths trying to get her breathing under control. She felt sick suddenly after Joshua's offer. Her stomach was rolling, her head hurt, and her heart was hammering. She felt disgusted with herself and with him that he would even suggest that.

Sure, she'd gotten suggestions like that before, but never…never from someone so pushy.

She glanced at the clock and let out a frustrated noise when she saw that it was only 9:30. With a dejected sound she went into the back where the other girls were getting ready and sat down at her vanity mirror. She stared at herself in the and then made up her mind.

She was going home.

Collecting her things quickly she pocketed the two hundred dollars she'd made and went to clock out. She had one of the bodyguards walk her to the car and then she drove home ready to curl up with some homework she'd let pile up.

* * *

Sunday night Tara lay across her couch taking notes about the human anatomy when her phone rang. At first she thought about ignoring it, but eventually decided to pick it up.

"Hello." Tara answered setting her notebook down.

"Hey."

She grinned and her stomach turned to a warm gooey mess as she heard Jax's voice.

"Hey." She replied back leaning further into the couch and grinning like an idiot.

"What are you doing?" Jax asked curiously.

"Reading about the human anatomy."

"Don't you have to know that by the second year?"

"Yeah, but we're going over it before we start working in the lab. My teacher is pretty thorough." She replied.

He chuckled, "well I for one know that you are _very aware_ of the human anatomy."

She smirked to herself, but chose not to reply to his suggestive comment. "What have you been up to?"

"Checking up on me?"

"Making conversation. I haven't heard from you and I thought we were going to try to make this _friends thing_ work."

Jax laughed and she tightened her hand on the phone.

"And what does this _friends thing_ imply? Should I call every day instead of once a week? Do you want e-mails too?"

"I don't know. This is the first time you've called."

"I saw you last Friday when I came to poor my heart out."

She snorted, " You didn't poor your heart out…you suggested that we proceed with a relationship."

"Because I still love you."

Tara fell silent at that and looked down at her black painted toes. She could hear his breathing over the phone and she wished suddenly that he was beside her. She'd seen him last Friday when he came to surprise her with the flowers and to ask her to try again, but that felt like forever ago.

She missed him.

Missed him more than she thought possible.

It was different before when they had gone years without seeing each other. Now that he was back in her life it was like he'd never left, but it was harder this time too since they were further away. They'd have to work harder at their relationship – er _friendship thing_.

"I miss you." She whispered softly.

She could practically hear his smirk through the phone. "I hope so."

She rolled her eyes and wrapped the afghan on the back of her couch around her to keep warm.

"So what have you been up to?" she asked wanting to talk about something lighter.

"A little of this. A little of that."

"What does that mean?"

"Club stuff."

"Of course." She said heavily.

"How's school?" he asked swiftly changing the subject.

She let out a groan, "hard. It's already speeding up and I'm just…it's a lot. I'm studying constantly or I'm at work."

"You can do it. If there is one thing I am sure of, Tara, it's you'll be a doctor."

She smiled sadly and looked down at the afghan covering her legs. "Yeah. Thanks. I need to hear that. Sometimes I think…"

"Sometimes you think what?"

"That it's just this never ending hole of despair. There's just _so much_ to learn and to know. This girl started crying in one of my classes the other day because the professor told us that we should start studying for the first section of our exams that we have to take at the end of the year."

"Studying seven months early? That sounds pretty intense."

"It is. I think we're all stressing out. I was asked if I wanted some extra enhancers after class the other day."

"Extra enhancers?"

"Adderal, Ritalin."

"These are the doctors of tomorrow?"

"Yep, a bunch of speed freaks."

"Well if you ever want someone to come and help you de-stress." Jax purred.

She laughed and pushed the phone closer to her ear wishing desperately that he was, in fact, in the room with her. How was she supposed to do an actual _relationship,_ if their _friendship_ was slowly killing her?

She remembered when they dated the first time and how they always had to be together. Their relationship was all consuming and so very unhealthy. It was impossible to go without the other one for longer than a few days. She remembered how scary that feeling was. And she remembered how she could barely be away from him and vice versa. She had a sinking suspicion that she could very easily fall back into that pattern.

"How's the club? And your mom?" she asked politely.

"Fine. Nothing new is going on."

"The guys didn't say anything about—"

"No." Jax said sharply.

There was a moment of silence and Jax cleared his throat.

"How's everything at the…at your job?" he asked.

She smiled sadly as her mind immediately went to Joshua, who had showed up twice again that week after their second creepy encounter on Wednesday.

"Fine." she spat out wincing internally at how that was a slight lie.

Work _was_ fine, it was the clientele that was creeping her out, primarily Joshua. And while she knew she should say something he hadn't outwardly done anything to her for her to report him. All he'd done was stare at her, make suggestive comments, and demand her name. But if she told her boss that, he'd tell her to just avoid him, which was what she was trying to do. Although that was proving difficult since he kept popping up out of nowhere.

Still, she didn't want to tell Jax. He'd only get angry and come down to Palo Alto looking to kill Joshua. And as nice as that sounded, she seriously didn't know anything about the guy. He could be a cop for all she knew.

"It's fine?" he asked when she didn't go on.

"Yeah, normal. Melody is fighting with her girlfriend again and Holli has a new boyfriend. We hired a new girl, Mary Jane, but she'd not very good and Jade is still the only sane person that I can talk to. Although she hasn't been working as much recently. I think she's finally gotten her dream job and is slowly making her way out of stripping." Tara said nonchalantly.

Jax made a disgruntled noise, "and don't you think you—"

"So basically it's been normal." She said cutting him off.

Jax sighed, "and none of the clientele are giving you issues?"

She nervously fidgeted on the couch. "Why do you ask that?"

"I just want to make sure _my girl_ is taken care of. Even if she works in a sleazy place."

She rolled her eyes, "and who said I was _your girl_?"

"You've been my girl since we were sixteen, Tara, and you finally let me take you out on a date."

She bit her lip to hold back a smile, but didn't argue.

"So?" he asked.

"So, what?"

"Has anyone been messing with you?" he asked.

She debated for a moment yet again about telling him about Joshua, but then decided against it. She could handle it. She was a big girl, she didn't need her…whatever Jax was to her coming to rescue her like a black leather knight on a Harley.

"Nope. Everything's fine." she said this time wincing outwardly as she lied outright to Jax.

"Good. And if anyone starts fucking with you, you'll tell me right?" he asked.

She closed her eyes momentarily, "yeah. Yes, of course."

"Good. I know I live two hours away, but if you need anything you know you can call me, right?"

She nodded, "of course."

"Good. Now tell me in _more depth_ what you'll learn about the human anatomy. And don't be afraid to be descriptive." He purred.

She giggled and snuggled into the couch as she continued to talk to her…Jax. She put the issues with Joshua and the Gold Club on the back of her mind. She'd worry about it later. Right now, she just wanted to concentrate on Jax and the beginning of their new – and the resurrection of their old – relationship, because she couldn't deny that this _friends thing_ would last long. She could already feel herself falling back into a relationship with him, but still she had to make sure that he was serious about something happening between them again.

(A/n: Please let me know what you think! More soon! It will be getting intense and dark slowly just to let you know!)


	5. Chapter 5: When You Walked Out

**Author's Note:** I hope everyone is having a good thanksgiving, or a good thursday! Almost friday. Thank you everyone for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting! I'm glad you liked the last chapter! I hope you like this chapter! I decided to update cause my thanksgiving has been pretty awful, I got snowed in, so I wrote. I feel better now, plus I bought a blender for 9 dollars. here is what I came out with. I'm glad everyone is liking the story it's a slow burn I think, well the first part is at least. We'll see how it goes.

 _Jo Jo_ I am not sure how many chapters there will be probably less than or around 20. Probably between 14-20, I'm sorry I can't give you a better answer. I have all the way until chapter 8 mapped out and that's about halfway. So for now I'd say between 14-20. I will hopefully post more chapters during Christmas break. It really depends on my workload, and my lack of social life, also my NYE plans, so I will try, but I am not 100 percent sure.

 _Jen_ Thank you for loving the story! I'm so happy that you are finding it awesome! I was so flattered by your review! I hope you like this chapter! Unfortunately doesn't let us give out our emails out so I can't email you any stories, but you can click on my name (Psyc0gurl0) and you can find all the stories I've written. There are a few different fandoms, so just pick your poison! I hope that helps! And thank you again! I was very flattered! I've always hoped to be that type of writer so it makes me so happy you said that!

 _Cinbur_ It's definitely the calm before the storm.

 **Thank you to: Jo Jo, Crazy808, Guest, Kimmeyer7399, Mrssilvers, Jen, zdra8351, ShyAnarchy, Ellavm18, shannie83, cinbur, Tessaturd, traceyaudette, Gonebutneverforgotten, Guest, Sheshe073, lilnudger82 (x4!), Gladz08, irihapeti96, Shan1015, JaraSoa2008, & ruehlem! **

**Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 5 When You Walked Out**

"O, you're up." Melody called out as she came to sit beside Tara who was hunched over a textbook.

"O!" Melody snipped nudging her in the shoulder to get her attention.

Tara's head snapped up to look at Melody with glazed over eyes.

The blonde stripper frowned when she saw the dark circles under Tara's eyes despite the make up she had obviously tried to use to cover them up.

"Are you okay? You look awful." Melody said taking in the haggard look Tara was sporting.

"Thanks." Tara said dryly.

"I just mean your tips are really going to suck if you go out there looking like their wives." Melody said shrugging and turning to her mirror.

Tara frowned soaking in her words and then looked at herself in the mirror. The dark circles were more pronounced, she'd barely been sleeping.

As she became deeper and deeper engrossed in her second year of Medical School her hours of sleep had slowly dwindled away. Add in the fact that Joshua was still coming around the club and Jax and her were attempting this…thing between them, she was maybe sleeping three hours a night, and that was on a good day. Something needed to change because she could feel her sanity slowly slipping away.

"Yo! O! Come on! Where is that girl?" Pauley called out coming into the dressing room and looking around for the brunette.

"O, come on!" He said again when his eye's made contact with her.

She nodded and put her textbook on her counter with her make up before making her way toward the door. She stumbled slightly and Pauley caught her by the arm. He cast her an odd look and looked at her face carefully.

"School hard?" he guessed.

She nodded.

Most of the people at the club knew that she was working her way through Medical School. Most of the women who worked at the club were paying their way through some kind of school. You could always tell the ones who weren't, they were the ones who had new tattoos, everything was new and they tended to blow their their cash faster.

One of Pauley's numerous jobs was making sure the girls balanced their work and their school. Tara wasn't the first girl to come to work looking pretty careworn because she'd been up all night studying. And she probably wouldn't be the last.

"Yeah." She said sheepishly knowing she was about to get a lecture from Pauley about being able to balance the workload and if she couldn't than she needed to figure out her priorities. She'd gotten the lecture once before during finales last semester.

"Tara…why don't you go home? Sleep a little. You look like you've been up all night." Pauley suggested.

She shook her head and eased her arm out of his grasp.

"I'm fine."

"Are you—"

"I'm fine." she said again and moved away to continue to walk toward the stage.

She listened to the opening beats of the song and began to move her body, just like she did every night. She was too exhausted to really make sense of what her body was doing and if she was paying any attention she would've noticed that Joshua was at the club yet again.

But then again that was beginning to become a common occurrence.

* * *

Tara stumbled into her apartment feeling her eyes drift closed before she even dropped her gym bag, which she carried all of her make up and costumes in onto the floor. She collapsed onto the couch and yawned widely too exhausted to be able to get up and go to her bed.

She was beginning to drift off when she heard a noise from the kitchen. She jerked awake and looked over toward the sound. Feeling her stomach drop in nervousness and fright she wondered if she should leave to get help or find out who had decided to break into her apartment.

Her first thought was a robber, but she literally had nothing that anyone would want. The only thing she had of any real money was her laptop for school, she didn't keep money in the house, and she didn't really where any jewelry. She only had one necklace that her mother had given to her right before she died and that was a gold chain with a heart shaped locket, but she hid that when she went to work.

Her second thought was that it was Joshua, who had been even more creepy than usual. He had steadily begun to show up more and more at the club until he came in every time she worked.

He'd memorized her schedule.

She'd figured that out when Pauley asked her finally if she knew who he was. When she told Pauley about the weird encounters he promised to watch out for him, but there wasn't much they could do until he made a move.

And he hadn't done anything.

In the few weeks he had been coming around all he'd done was watch her. He hadn't even tried to talk to her or ask her for a dance. He just sat at the bar and watched her, and if this was anyone else she wouldn't feel on edge about it, but she was.

She couldn't describe it, but there was something about him that rubbed her the wrong way. There was something threatening about him. And it made it so much worse that he was smart. And he was smart, smarter than she'd like to give him credit for.

If he wasn't he would've attempted to try something with her, but he hadn't. Instead he was bidding his time and in Tara's mind he was waiting until his opportunity.

So was this his opportunity? Had he followed her home and broken into her apartment to…what? Kill her? Rape her? What was his end goal?

Before she could make up her mind on what to do there was another crash and a soft curse came from the kitchen. She breathed a sigh of relief when she recognized the voice and with shaky tired legs she lifted herself from the couch.

"Jax." She greeted leaning against the door frame.

"Hey." He said sheepishly.

She raised an eyebrow and took in what he had been doing. She catalogued the mess he had made in her kitchen and for the life of her she couldn't figure out what he was doing. It looked like he was…cooking? But that couldn't be right. Jax didn't cook.

"First of all, what are you doing in here?" she asked crossing her arms against her chest.

He gave her The Charming Teller Grin and sauntered toward her. "You have flimsy locks."

"You broke in?"

"I…wanted to check on you."

"So you broke in."

Jax hung his head and slowly peaked up at her. An easy smirk appeared on his lips, his blonde hair hung in his eyes, and suddenly Tara felt like she was sixteen again.

That easy smirk always got to her. Whenever Jax wanted to skip class and knew that she needed some convincing he'd always give her _that look_.

The look that said I-know-you're-trying-to-resist-but-I-can-see-your-resolve-breaking-so-I'm-going-to-take-advantage-of-that-and-flash-my-charming-Teller smile.

It worked every time. It was that look that would forever get her.

A tingling sensation started in her lower stomach and spread throughout her body until her skin hummed with energy.

She always knew she was doomed.

"It's for your safety. I was testing the locks." He said taking a step closer to her and placing his hands on her arms.

"Testing the locks? You drove _two hours_ to get here and the best excuse you could come up with is that you needed to _test the locks_?" she said incredulously.

His answer was that Charming Grin and she huffed trying to keep an annoyed look on her face.

His smirk widened and he took a step closer to her. "Come on, Tara, I gotta make sure _my girl_ is safe." He looked closer into her eyes and frowned, "you look tired. Have you been sleeping enough?"

She scowled and nudged around him to see more clearly the mess he had been making. "Why are you here anyway? And I'm not your girl, you know that right? We aren't dating."

He rolled his eyes and leaned against the doorway watching as she took in his mess. "I came to check in on you. Our last few phone calls weren't doing it for me so…I drove up to see you. And you are my girl. You've been my girl, since high school." he said.

She sighed eyeing the mess he'd made and then looked back up at him exhaustion clear in her eyes, "I was at work."

He winced and rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. "I'd be forever grateful if you chose _not_ to mention your _work_ in front of me."

"It's just a job, Jax, nothing more." She said quietly looking down at the stove where a pot of water was beginning to boil. She paused as her mind began to make sense of what was going on around her. Jax was in the kitchen. There was a pot of boiling water. Was he seriously cooking? For her?

"A job that you have to…can't you…Tara you're exhausted. Maybe if you took a week off—"

"No." she said sharply turning away from the pot of water to look at him.

He gritted his teeth, "why not? I'll cover your expenses. Let's just see how it goes, for a week. Come on, baby, just one week."

"No. No, Jax. Just no. We've been over this."

"And I don't like the end result we keep coming to. Just for one week take some time off. I'll take care of you. I could even stick around here and we could spend time together. Get to know each other again preferably not through a phone." He pleaded.

She sighed heavily and looked away. Her eyes landed once again on the pot of water and tentatively she looked back over at him. She found him watching her carefully.

"Were you cooking for me?" she asked shyly.

A smirk appeared on his face and he took a step over toward the stove.

"And if I was?" he asked cocking his head.

"I'd be very…impressed."

"So impressed you'd put me out of my misery and quit your job? Shack up with me for a week or more?" he asked quickly.

She huffed and turned away from him to look at what he had been about to start cooking.

"Did you really drive all the way down here just to cook me dinner?" she asked seriously.

He shrugged and ducked his head in the a bashful manner that made Tara's mind go back to the many other times when they had first started dating when Jax would try to impress her.

She was specifically reminded of a time when he had attempted to cook for her – much as he was doing now – and it was the worst food she'd ever eaten. But he'd tried and that was all that mattered. He was always trying with her and she was grateful for that, but sometimes she wondered if that was enough. Could they really re-build a relationship because they both still held a candle for the other? What did their future hold, really?

"Thank you." she said reaching out and taking his hand in hers.

His eyes moved to rest on her face and she felt a steady blush begin to take over her features.

"You really should get some sleep. Come on, dinner can wait." He said tugging her forward until his arms were wrapped around her body. She sunk into him and cuddled into his shoulder. Allowing her eyes to drift closed she took in his scent wanting to memorize this moment.

"For the record I drove up here to check up on you. I have tomorrow free so I figured I could just…make sure you were okay. You've sounded…distant." He said quietly as he led her into the back where her bedroom was and gently placed her into bed.

Snuggling into his body she allowed her eyes to begin drifting closed as he wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"I think we should be more than friends." he stated softly.

She laughed despite herself and shook her head, "I don't thing we were ever really friends."

"I tried, for you, but Tara, I want more."

"I know."

They were silent as they both became lost in their own thoughts.

"Tara?" Jax asked his voice breaking into the silence.

"Hm?" she breathed.

"Do you wanna be my girlfriend?" he asked laughter evident in his tone.

She scoffed and repeated something she'd said nine years ago when he'd asked her that for the first time, "in your dreams, Teller."

"Is that a yes?"

"I feel like I'm sixteen again and you're asking me out for the ninth time." she said turning slightly so she could make eye contact with him.

He snorted and tightened his hold on her. "Would dating me again be so bad?"

"It's not that."

"What is it then?"

She was silent for awhile trying to figure out what to say. She could feel his breath tickling the back of her neck and she fought the urge to turn and kiss him.

"What happens if it doesn't work out, again?" she whispered finally.

"What happens if it does?"

"You live in Charming and you won't leave. What happens when I'm done with school? What about the club? And my job? And what about the other girls, Jax? I'd want to be monogamous, I'm not dealing with cheating, it's a deal breaker." She said twisting so she could fully see him.

"We have so many things we need to figure out." She added.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Can't we just figure out all that stuff when we come to it? I want you. I've missed you. I love you. Can't we just be _us_ again?"

"And what happens when you get bored by long distance? What happens when you come to the club and get angry because I'm stripping—"

"Tara, I really am trying to repress that entire incident. I don't want to think of you dancing for other guys. That isn't something I want to think about, _ever again._ It was bad enough my brothers had to see it." He said in irritation.

"Jax, it's my job and if you want to do this again you need to accept it."

"I don't know why you can't just quit and take me up on my offer." He snapped scowling.

She opened her mouth to retort and then closed it not wanting to go over the same argument they had, had now at least twice. It was something that bothered Jax, and she understood that, but she wasn't going to change her entire life because Jax didn't like something. She tried her best not to mention the stripping because she knew it bothered him, but she wasn't going to stop.

She knew that he meant well when he offered to pay her expenses, but she also knew that he didn't really understand how much money her college tuition was. Jax having so much control over her life also made her nervous. He already owned her heart, she didn't want to give him jurisdiction over her life too. And what happened if it didn't work out? Would he stop helping her financially? Would he just stop talking to her all together? She couldn't handle that.

"I know this is hard but…Jax…I've missed you, but that doesn't mean we should give this a try again. I appreciate everything you've done and how you try, especially with the phone calls. It makes me feel so…but at the same time what happens when you leave me? What happens when you want to stop? I don't know if I can handle that." she revealed.

"You think I'd leave you?" he asked incredulously staring at her in astonishment.

"If anyone was afraid of being deserted in this relationship I'd say it was me. I'm not the run who runs, Tara." He said looking her clear in the eye.

She ducked her head the sting of his comment hurting more than she'd like it to.

"I'm not going to leave you. This is a second chance for both of us." He said quietly.

She stared into his eyes taking in the sincerity in his gaze.

"We'll never know unless we try." He said after a long beat of silence.

"That's it? You just want to try? What about thinking about it logically? It would make sense if we continued taking it slow." she stated staring at him uncertainly.

"Why wait? We both know what we want. At least I do, do you?"

She looked away from him and toward the ceiling. Did she want to try again? Would that be a good idea? What did she have left to lose? She should think about this logically, but Jax and logic never really went together.

"I said I wanted to try again if we could maintain living so far apart."

"Tara, I've called you, I've come to visit, there is a _potential_ for something big here. Don't you feel it? Now, do you want to try again? It's a simple question."

She moved away and sat up looking down at him with tired eyes. "It's not a simple answer." She replied.

He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. She watched him carefully unsure what her answer would provoke from him. She could see him shrugging it off, but she could see him taking it to heart and lashing out at her.

She opened her mouth to ask him if he was okay, when he rolled out of bed and moved toward the door.

"Jax?" she asked.

He glanced at her and gave her a distant smile.

"Go to sleep, Tara." He said disappearing out of the bedroom before she could call out again for him. She watched him leave wondering how badly she screwed things up.

(A/n: So what do you think? Please review! More soon!)


	6. Chapter 6: Love Is Mean

**Author's Note:** Thank you everyone who reviewed, favorited, followed, and read! You guys are fantastic! And totally make my day so I thank you! I hope everyone had a good holiday! A few things, just to clear up the confusion this story will be between 14-20 chapters. If you are curious to know what Jax was cooking it was spaghetti, something easy! This chapter I'm not too crazy about, but it needed to be done. I'm excited for the next 3 chapters, though so... Anyway I hope u guys enjoy! And I will try to get another chapter up before Christmas!

 _JoJo:_ No problem! Thanks for reading and enjoying the story! so...I can't answer your question. I mean, I know what the answer is, I just don't want to ruin the story. Anyway I answer it gives away too much! I'm sorry! You'll find out by chapter 9/10.

 **Thank you to: Guest, OnewholovesSJ, Ellavm18, Michelle, Axebird1 (x3!), MissLove27, Jaceyb1, JoJo, AW9222, Erin8511, JV92, sockmonkey0205, Danae, ShyAnarchy, Samantha Renk, dawnmiller9066, Billie72, ruehlem, cinbur, Tessaturd, Foreverkee,JaraSoa2008, irihapeti96, Gladz08, Theendproductions, Majestic Butterfly, & RhondaL! **

**Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 6 Love is Mean**

The silence was deafening.

Tara wasn't sure how much longer she could take. It had been a few days since Jax had walked out of her apartment. But it felt like it had been years. She felt like she was drowning all over again.

What happened if this was it?

What happened if he decided he didn't want to deal with her anymore?

She expected them to have more time, and now…now it was like she lost him all over again.

She thought they would at least try, granted she wasn't ready but… She was hesitant to try again and rightly so. However, at the same time she already knew Jax would wear down her walls. That's what he did. She was closed off and he dug his way over her walls, bulldozed them down, or leapt through the sky to be with her.

But what happened now that there was only silence?

She knew when she watched him walk away that things would be changing, and not necessarily for the best. She was scared of what was going to happen between them. She had sworn she wasn't going to turn into her sixteen year old self who's entire world was Jackson Teller, and now here she was doing exactly what she told herself she wouldn't do.

What bothered Tara the most out of the whole situation was the fact that she did this to herself. She had pushed Jax away in her need to distance herself to test his loyalty and now she might have just screwed over their second chance. She wished she had the courage to call him and apologize. But they both had always been stubborn, why should now be any different.

Still though, she missed him. And in the end she'd break. It just came down to how long that would take.

 _Get this out of your mind, Knowles._

Tara knew it was a lost cause. No matter what she did she still thought about Jax. Everything Jax. Work helped, on some level. She'd force herself to concentrate on something else.

She's been distracted lately and her tips hadn't been as good as they should be.

So when Thursday night came it was a very welcome distraction. Thursdays at the club were her favorite. They were filled with the most interesting people. It was usually a mixture of businessmen and college boys, and Tara always found that the most fascinating. Maybe it came down to the fact that both college boys and businessmen when they drank tended to act the same.

"Can I get you a drink, baby?" Tara asked smirking down at the man decked out in Hugo Boss.

Hugo Boss Suit glanced over at his counterpart and then back at her letting his eyes roam hungrily over her body.

"How many for a dance?" he asked putting his elbow on the table and looking up at her through long eyelashes.

Tara opened her mouth to answer when a hand grasped her upper arm and yanked her backward. She stumbled over her six-inch heels and tumbled backward into the waiting arms of the man who tugged her. She hastily untangled her limbs for the man and looked up already a few choice words on the tip of her tongue.

They died the instant her eyes laid upon who had tugged her.

She scowled and ripped her arm out of his grasp.

"What do you want?" Tara snarled.

Joshua put his hands up and looked down at her with a look of hurt.

"There's no need to put hostile, Tara." Joshua said looking behind her at the men who were at the table watching with a look of interest.

"I—" she shook her head and looked back at the men who looked away quickly and attempted to look as if they were engrossed in their pagers.

She sighed and glanced back at Joshua who was watching her carefully.

"Can I get you anything?" Tara asked the men.

"It's fine." Hugo Boss Suit said dismissively.

Tara scowled and turned around to walk toward the bar. Without having to look she knew that Joshua was behind her. She could feel his eyes on her and it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

"Can I get you something?" she asked turning around suddenly to come face to face with him.

He gave her the same hurt look. "I was making sure you are okay. You seem upset."

She bit her tongue to keep from rolling her eyes.

"What do you want?" she asked again.

He raised an eyebrow. "Want? Did you have something in mind?"

"No. I do, however, suggest you leave me alone."

"Have I done something to offend you?"

Tara sighed in annoyance knowing that he was just playing with her. She could see the mirth in his eyes.

"Why do you come here all the time?" she blurted out.

Joshua smirked, "I should think it would be obvious."

"It's not. Sometimes…I feel like you're here just for…me." Tara said uncomfortable.

Joshua chuckled and took a step toward her. She backed up and glanced around the club to see if anyone was paying attention to her.

"I knew I was being too obvious." He said staring down at her in a way that made her skin crawl.

"Joshua I'm not—"

"I'd like us to go out." He said putting a hand on her arm.

She moved to take another step back, but his hold tightened and she froze.

"I'm not…I don't go out with patrons." She said trying to maintain a look of composure, but inside she was a jumble mess of nerves. What was this guy's problem? Why couldn't he get the hint?

Her arm hurt and she knew there would be a bruise tomorrow.

"Why not?" he asked sharply his eyes boring into her.

She could feel his hold on her tightening even more and she wriggled to try to get away, but he held on tight. She watched as his demeanor changed and he transformed into the man she had often gotten a glimpse of when it was just them.

"I just don't. Can you please take your hand off me?"

"Why don't you want to go out? Just one date."

"I said no. Now, please let go of me." Tara said trying to yank her arm away.

Joshua reached out to grab her other arm, and Tara saw one of the bouncers heading straight for her.

"We aren't finished here, Tara." He said quietly before pushing her away and making his way out of the club.

She grabbed her arm and began to rub the area that was smarting. Watching him go with the bouncer who kept asking if she was okay, she wondered how Joshua had found out her real name. And a heavy feeling of fear took residence within her gut.

* * *

Later that night as she began to make her way toward her car Brittany –Jade's replacement – called out for her to hold on. Going back into the club Tara made her way to the back of the changing area where one phone was. Usually the phone was busy with various girls calling to let their babysitters know they'd be home soon, but tonight it was just Brittany leaning against the wall holding the phone out to her.

She gave Tara a large smile and winked.

"He sounds cute." Brittany said handing her the phone.

Tara frowned slightly wondering whom she could be taking about and hoping that Joshua wasn't calling her now. Although it wouldn't surprise her at this point. He did know her real name. She needed to figure out what to do about that.

"Hello." Tara greeted watching Brittany saunter over to the bouncer who had helped her out earlier.

"Hey." Jax replied.

Tara breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the wall.

"Did you think it was someone else?" Jax asked a slight edge to his tone.

"Just relieved you're calling me." She said quietly.

He sighed, "Your lack of faith in me hurts, Tara."

"Was there a reason you called?"

"Hey, it took a lot for me to call this place. Do you think I want to… I hate this place. You know that."

"Yeah, I know."

There was silence from Jax's end. She listened to him breath and she said a silent pray to thank everyone for the break in the deafening silence she'd been experiencing from his end. She wasn't going to mess it up this time. She was going to fix this. She wasn't going to be the one to screw up their second chance. She had to take a risk.

"Look, I'm going to ask this once and I want a straight answer, a simple answer."

"Is it a simple question?"

"Just answer it. Don't think. Just answer."

"Okay."

There was another moment of silence and then Jax cleared his voice.

"Don't think about the future. Don't think about our past. Just… do you want to be with me? Do you want to try again?"

Tara opened her mouth all of her logical answers coming to her mind. And then she thought about his request. And she thought about her desire for a second chance. She could do this. She had to do this.

"Yes. I still want to take it slow, though." She whispered.

Jax let out a long sigh and she could almost hear the beaming smile on his lips.

"Okay."

"It's going to be a lot of work, Jax, and I'm not putting up with cheating just because I'm two hours away."

"I know."

"And I need to concentrate on school."

"I know."

"And no more talks about my job."

"Fine." he snipped.

She paused and gnawed on her lip, "but I wouldn't be opposed if you came to visit when you could. We're both busy so I don't have any expectations, but… I like when I see you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He chuckled and she felt a warmth seep into her stomach.

"I was asked to take it slow by a certain woman, and I still having some wooing to do."

"Jax—"

"I gotta go, Tara. I'll talk to you later." He said quickly and hung up before she could question him further about the wooing on his part.

She stayed on the phone an extra few minutes before she hung up and made her way home.

* * *

"Holy Shit." Tara mumbled when she arrived home later that night.

Looking around the apartment her brain seemed to freeze as it took in the mess. When she had left that morning everything was put in its rightful spot.

The only things that were left out were two dirty dishes, which were now smashed and broken on the tile ground. The food in her refrigerator was thrown around the kitchen, stuck to her walls.

Her living room was trashed, the pillows were ripped up and on the ground with the stuffing tossed around the room. A quilt she kept on the back of her couch had a large rip down the middle. Her couch was gutted and the stuffing mingled on the floor with the other large white pieces of fluff. There was a crack in her TV screen, her favorite books were thrown around the room and ripped in two, right down the spine.

She had yet to go into her bedroom or the bathroom, but she was afraid to move from the spot in front of her door. She knew she had to call the police, but she was so shocked she couldn't seem to think straight.

When her mind began to slowly make sense of what she was seeing she had two thoughts as she took in the mess before her. One, she was glad she had to go straight to work today from school, so she had her laptop etc. Two, she without a doubt knew that it was Joshua. She couldn't explain how she knew or why he would do this, but why else would anyone break into her apartment? She had nothing of value, not really. She didn't live in a prestigious apartment, like some of the girls. She lived in an average neighborhood where the worst crime was Jaywalking. She knew her neighbors and they were elderly. There was no other explanation. It had to be Joshua, but why was the question? Was he that upset that she didn't welcome his advances?

Thankfully, everything of value she had on her because of pure luck.

Once she called the police to report the break in she sat against the wall and waited for someone to get there. As she stared at the mess her life had become she knew she had to do something.

Now, all she had to do was figure out her next steps, because she could handle this. She was Tara Knowles, a survivor and she'd survive this too.

(A/n: More soon! Please review and let me know what you think!)


	7. Chapter 7: Well Shit

**Author's Note:** I am so sorry for the long wait! I went on vacation and it was Christmas and I had work stuff to do. So I am so sorry! Yes, I am still continuing this story! I'm not sure when it will be done, but I will be finishing it! Thank you to everyone who reviewed and favorited! And read and followed! You guys continue to be amazing! And i hope you had some awesome holidays! And happy new year! First post of '16! These chapters will be getting dark. The rating may go review! And I hope you like it!

 **Thank you to: ZuZu Petals, KJ0060203, jaxandtara, Justine78, shannie83, reina13 (x2!), Jowell567, Nell4603, Sage13, krystalepley, Ellavm18, irihapeti96, Erin8511, jo jo, Jvs992, ShyAnarchy, RhondaL, jazzybear061162, ruehlem, Mrssilvers, Guest, cinbur, Samantha Renk, sheshe073, Gladz08, Little1009, Majestic Butterfly, ilovejaxandtara, & saldred75! **

**Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 7 Well Shit**

On one of her rare days off Tara found herself in the school library doing research. Which in itself wasn't odd, it was the subject of the research that was unusual. She'd spent the last few years doing research on various subjects and the library had never let her down.

Now was no different.

Especially on such a tricky subject.

Her things were spread out on one of the back tables in the library. Her precious computer was open as she sifted through different searches for _Joshua Kohn._

And what she found was not something she wanted to acknowledge or deal with. What she found was something that seriously distressed her. She wasn't even sure how to react to what she had found out.

Should she tell Jax? Should she tell his coworkers? Should she just try and handle it herself, which was what she planned to do from the getgo? Should she even acknowledge this information? She wasn't sure what Joshua Kohn's angle was, so how could she even figure out where to go from here?

The Joshua Kohn that kept coming to the Gold Club was none other than an ATF agent named Joshua Kohn.

An actual ATF agent.

As in an Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms Agent

The fact that he was a cop wasn't what bothered Tara the most. It was the fact that he was a cop who had a serious empowerment complex, who lacked the understanding of knowing when a woman makes it abundantly clear that she is not interested. And is fucking crazy. He was a nut and he was into her, for whatever reason. Whether it was personal or business.

What was she going to do? He was basically stalking her, and doing it smartly. He was cautious, calculating, and careful. He hadn't slipped up, and that was what scared her. He had broken into her apartment, came to her work everyday, and stared at her for hours. He was a second away from snapping and she needed to figure out her next course of action.

It was bad that he was a cop, especially because of Jax. Which was why she wasn't sure about telling Jax. She wanted to, really badly. She was in a tight situation, a pickle, a fucking dilemma. She didn't have a lot of choices and she didn't want to say anything until she knew what was going on.

It was true there were many cops, DEA agents, and ATF agents that came into the club, but it was different for her. First, Joshua seemed to only single her out. Why? She knew she was a good dancer by _why_ was he interested in her? What made her stand out to him when generally she had a tendency to blend into a crowd? Secondly, none of the other strippers were close with a gang of bikers. Tara wasn't sure if Joshua was interested because he knew about the SONS or because he was genuinely interested in her. Because either option was bad. If she told Jax he'd flip out either way.

At this point she wasn't sure what would be worse. Especially with Jax back in her life. Either Joshua was trying to get to know her to get to Jax. Or he was trying to get to know her because he wanted her. And neither were ideal situations for her.

While going home that night her mind was whirling with all the information she had learned about him. She wasn't really sure what to do. And she needed to be very careful about how she handled this situation because if she wasn't careful a lot of people could end up hurt.

* * *

"…Opie is freaking out about Donna. I can't even imagine what he's going through. Shit's fucked up." Jax finished off exhaling loudly into the phone.

She smiled slightly to herself as his voice went into her ear. She wasn't sure how to bring up Kohn and even though she wasn't sure of his motive she still was torn between telling Jax. She wanted to tell him, but didn't know how to start and didn't want to cause a huge drama if it wasn't serious. For all she knew Kohn could just be a harmless guy, but she didn't want to tell Jax until she had more to tell. Besides if she waited a few days to further her research what was the harm?

Tara heard rustling in the background and the sound of a beer can popping open. She imagined him in one of the backrooms at the clubhouse settling onto his bed and having a beer as he spoke to her. She wondered vaguely what the others thought about him taking to his room and talking to her on the phone. She wondered if he was made fun of because of it.

"What are they going to do?" she asked picking at a stray string on the quilt her mother had made her years ago before she died. It was one of the few things she had kept throughout the years.

"Have the kid, I guess. Opie's nervous about becoming a father. That's all he's been talking about, how he's gonna have someone calling him _dad_ in a few short months."

"Babies don't start talking that quickly, Jax." Tara said laughing.

"You know what I mean."

"How does Donna feel about it?"

"I don't know. She hasn't said much. I've caught her and my mom whispering in the kitchen a few times though and…" he stopped abruptly and she sat up a little straighter wondering why he had stopped talking, but a little voice in the back of her head told her why and she was almost thankful he was avoiding going down _that path._

"And?" she prompted finally when the silence became too much. She needed to hear him acknowledge it. It wasn't something easily overlooked and despite how much she didn't want him to bring it up she still needed him to.

"And…well she's asked me to ask you a few things. Baby things."

"Why me?" Tara snapped quickly.

"Because of your job and…because of what happened to us." Jax admitted quietly.

Tara felt her throat constrict and she counted down from ten before she said anything else. "That was a long time ago. And besides I only know what most other people know about babies. You know, they cry and eat a lot." She commented her voice hoarse from too much emotion, or holding the tears back she wasn't sure.

"Aren't you learning anything in that fancy school of yours?" he asked trying to keep his tone light after bringing up the subject.

Tara smiled slightly thankful that he wasn't talking anymore about what had happened in their past. She tried not to think about _it_ and as time progressed the hurt in her heart stopped. She tried to remind herself that if she hadn't miscarried then she wouldn't be where she was now, on her road to a doctor. But it was still hard to come to terms with, especially when they had been so young.

"I'm learning the basics. And besides I'm work on adult cadavers. I don't get to explore specialties until next semester." She said quietly.

"Do you know what you want to focus on?"

She laughed suddenly bringing back the warmth to the conversation and all thoughts of the baby they never had were left behind.

"You sound like my professor." She said when she finished laughing.

Jax grunted, "Me? A teacher? That is fucking hilarious."

"You could be if you—"

"You worked harder and got your head out of your ass. Yeah, yeah. You've told me this before."

"You are smart, Jackson."

"I know."

"You could do so many great things."

"I am doing great things, babe. I'm in a great club, I have great friends, I have a great girl."

"I mean, you could really help people. You have such a big heart."

Jax exhaled loudly and she knew without really knowing how that he didn't want to have this conversation. It was just one of the man things between them. They could communicate without much. They reacted to each other.

The fight was one they had, had many times before she left for college. She was always pushing him to be better and he took it, until finally he began to get frustrated with her positivity. Especially when he knew she was inevitably going to leave him. He knew where he belonged and despite Tara wanting to show him how many different options he had he never wanted to leave the path he was destined for.

"Do you wanna talk to Donna?" Jax inquired suddenly.

"What?" Tara asked in surprise.

"I mean, I can give her your number and you can talk to her. I think she'd like to talk to someone besides Gemma." He said going back to the original subject.

"Jax, I don't know anything about pregnancy."

"Yes you do. You are a doctor. And you were pregnant."

"I was pregnant when I was seventeen! And I'm not a doctor yet. I have about a billion more years to go before I can really be called a doctor."

"You're a doctor to me."

"Only because we played doctor."

Jax chuckled and she smiled pressing the phone harder to her ear.

"I think you should atleast talk to her. It might help."

"And it might bring up memories I don't really want to think about."

Jax was quiet for a few minutes and she wondered if she had said something wrong.

"Do you think about it?" Jax asked quietly.

"Think about what? The miscarriage?"

"No. What would've happened if…if he'd lived. If we actually had the baby?"

She fell silent at the question debating how she should answer the question. Yes, she thought about the baby. She really did. She thought about what her life would be like now and whether she'd be happy. She thought about how raising a kid with Jax would be. She thought about how scared she had been at the time, and how she didn't want him until she didn't have him anymore. But thinking about it didn't change what happened. She miscarried and that was it. A part of her was so relieved and the other part hated herself. But it still happened and she was still seventeen and alone dealing with it.

"Yes, I think about it. Do you?"

"Yeah," He paused and she heard the click of a lighter and the inhale of a cigarette. "I wonder if you would have stayed if you didn't miscarry and then I wish…" he cleared his throat and started again. "But I knew you would've stayed. I hated that you lost the baby, but…but I hated it more that you were able to leave me now that it was just you."

She wasn't sure what to say to that so she remained silent. And the two of them sat on the phone in silence listening to the other one breathe. As the clock struck five though she knew she was pressed for time, she had to get to work.

"I've been thinking about Thanksgiving." She stated breaking the lengthy silence.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"And I'm going to come home."

Jax paused and she heard him take a gulp of beer and exhale on his cigarette.

"Good."

"Yeah." She said smiling to herself.

"That's only in a few weeks." He remarked.

"I know."

"Are you sure? You're going to come home?"

She rolled her eyes and glanced at the clock before getting off the bed to get her stuff in order for work.

"My dad misses me."

"I bet."

"And there's a guy I wanna see."

"What's he look like?"

"Blonde. Dirty. Likes to ride motorbikes."

"Sounds dangerous."

"Only when you piss him off."

Jax laughed and she smiled down at a pair of red lacy underwear she had in her hand.

"Do you want me to pick you up from the bus station?" he asked.

She grinned at the image of him waiting at the bust station for her. It wasn't the first time she'd imagined it and it wouldn't be the first time it happened.

"Yeah, okay."

"Okay."

"I'll talk to you later?" she asked.

"Yeah."

She hung up a huge smile plastered on her face.

* * *

Tara was walking from her car still feeling high from her conversation with Jax. She was a few minutes late, but Sammy was the manager tonight and he rarely noticed if anyone was late, mostly because he was generally in the bathroom doing lines of coke. She was hurrying toward the back entrance when she was suddenly grabbed from behind and pushed against a car. She screamed in surprise and was pushed harder against the hard surface.

"Tara, Tara, it's just me."

She blinked in the darkness and her eyes began to recognize the person who had grabbed her.

Joshua Kohn.

She began to scream louder and struggle against him. The fear inside her began to well up and she attempted to think straight knowing she needed to get out of there as quickly as possible.

"What do you want?" she snapped looking around the empty parking lot for help as she struggle against him.

"I feel like we got off on the wrong foot." He announced reaching a hand up to caress her face.

She recoiled from his touch and heard him grunt in anger.

"Tara, why do you have to be so difficult?" he snarled heavily moving closer to here. She felt him press himself against her and she struggled against the hands that were coming to rest on her wrists.

She glanced up at him and took in the smug expression on his face.

"What do you want from me?" she asked.

"I just want us to get to know each other. That's all I've wanted. Why can't you see that all I want is the best for you? Ever since I saw you I knew." He purred moving his head down so his eyes were staring into her own. He was a breath away from her and suddenly he pressed his lips on her's. She moved her head to the left and right attempted to end it, but one of the hands moved from her rest and squeezed her face to keep her still until he broke the kiss.

She glared up at him her mind racing a mile a minute trying to figure out how to get away. She glanced over to her right and saw nothing and then to her left and saw nothing. She wished desperately that someone would come for her. Or at least she get could the upper hand. She yanked her face away from his hand and spit at him making him grin wider at her.

"You're so feisty." He remarked taking a finger and wiping the wetness away.

She let out another loud scream hoping to gain some notice.

"Aren't you going to ask what I knew?" Kohn asked smirking down at her lecherously.

"W-What did you know?" she asked looking over his shoulder to the back entrance.

"I knew you were the one. And I knew you shouldn't be working in a place like this. You deserve the best Tar-Tar. And I'm the best for you. When I see you with other men – " He paused and slammed a hand above her on the car. She jumped at the sudden noise and tried to choke down the fear that was rising within her. "God! I just go _a little crazy_ at the thought that such undeserving hands could be on you. I'm going to make it better, Tara, you'll see." He said bending his head down and breathing in her scent.

She stiffened and tried to move away, but he pressed his body harder against hers.

"All I want to do is be with you, Tara. You'll see how perfectly we are together, it might take some time, but you'll see in the end." He said reaching out and pinning her hands together.

She tried to push him away, but his hands became tighter. With a last ditch attempt to run she pulled her head back and then smacked it against his own. He stumbled back in surprise and she bolted for the back entrance. Before she got too far though he launched forward and grabbed her making them tumble to the ground.

"Shouldn't have hurt me, Tar-Tar. You don't want to hurt your Joshy." He yelled wrestling with her on the ground.

She lifted a knee up to hit him in the groin, but he was quicker and reached forward with his hand and backhanded her across the face. She stopped moving for a second as she saw stars in front of her vision and then her world went black.

(A/n: Please review! More soon! This is where it gets dark. Depending on the mood while writing and your reviews...next chapter will probably be pretty M rated)


	8. Chapter 8: Waiting,' Anticipating,' And

**Author's Note:** Thank you everyone who is still reading this story! You guys are awesome! And thank you to everyone reviewing! You're reviews power my writing. lol. And thank you to everyone who favorited and followed! So we're about halfway through. I outlined the second part of the story so there will be 16 chapters in total. This chapter is intense, but i didn't detail the violence. Also a lot of u are concerned (for obvious reasons) about Tara being raped by Kohn, we'll find out more next chapter. Just a heads up! I hope you guys like it!

 **Thank you to: 2pactillidie, krystalepley, Nelle, Guest, Ellavm18, AxeBird1, Shan105, Samantha Renk, Nell4603, Kristina, JaraSoa2008, Guest, shannie83, Gladz08, Dieselandust, Crazy808, Guest, Sheshe073, dawnmiller9066, Sage13, Mz Lynn Marie, ilovejaxandtara, Danae, Justine78, Majestic butterfly, ruehlem, xbeautifulsaddnessx, KJ0060203, saldred75, cinbur, Crazzi-in-love, irihapeti96, jcampbell943, & untilmynextstory! **

**Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 8 Waiting,' Anticipating,' And Pacing'**

The incessant beeping was probably what woke Tara up, but initially as she slowly became aware of her surroundings and her body she would say the pain was what really woke her up.

Her hand was throbbing.

Her head was throbbing. And she felt dizzy, even though she hadn't opened her eyes.

She felt like she'd been dragged over a cement-paved road. Then beaten by some large thing, like a bat or something.

Everything hurt.

Everything throbbed.

She felt heavy and limp.

And she was thirsty.

Her mouth felt like a desert, dry, cotton-like, and tasted metallic. Running her tongue across her lips she felt the split on both the bottom and top. The taste of blood hung heavy in her mouth and combined with the dizziness she felt her stomach rolled.

Jerking up much quicker than she would've liked, especially in her condition she popped her eyes opened and rapidly looked around for something to—

"Shit! Nurse!"

She began to dry heave as the familiar stirrings of her stomach rose within her, but she hadn't eaten – in she wasn't even sure how long – so nothing came out except the sounds of gagging. She felt tears well up in her eyes as she tried to get rid of the sickness within her, but the only substance that came from her body was some yellow bile that dripped down her chin and landed in her lap.

She began to sob unable to take in her surroundings, or the person who was rapidly yelling for someone to come help her. The events of the past – however long it had been she wasn't sure – began to take a toll on her as they flashed within her mind's eye.

She sobbed for the images she saw and part of her wished she'd just been left to die. Because now…now she had to deal with the consequences. Now, she had to figure out what to do next. Now, she had to remember the rest of what happened and how she got here.

All she could remember was being attacked by Joshua Kohn in the parking lot at the Gold Club.

She remembered being knocked unconscious but…that was it. What had happened? Had she been raped? Had she been taken somewhere? How did she end up…here? Wherever here was.

Slowly her sobs died down as she began to take in her surroundings. She took in the white walls, the curtain that blocked her sight from her roommate and the door, the window that overlooked a parking lot, the noises that were coming from the machines, and the TV that was switched on to the news. Hospital. She was at the hospital.

Of course.

She looked around the room feeling simultaneously relieved about being in a hospital room, but also confused as to how she got there.

She began to take stock of her injuries. Her right hand, the one that was throbbing, was wrapped up in a cast. Her head was throbbing like crazy and she assumed she had some head trauma, possibly a concussion. Her ribs hurt, possibly broken by the way they pained her when she breathed. She already figured her face was a bruise, but what she didn't realize until she began to comprehend her injuries was that her left shoulder hurt. After analyzing the pain and trying to move her shoulder, despite the sling it was in she regretfully came to the conclusion that it was dislocated.

The door on the other side of the curtain opened and she heard the same female voice from before who had yelled for some help. Tara hadn't seen the person before, but when she heard the clicking of the heels and the black lace that was her coworker's signature look she knew Holli had been the one to call out for the nurse.

"That was so, like, scary!" Holli exclaimed coming further into the room with the nurse right behind her.

Tara noticed the nurse give Holli a dirty look, whether it was for her skimpy attire or her lack of filter she wasn't sure.

She didn't really care either.

She felt like death.

"How are you feeling?" the nurse asked beginning to check her vitals.

Tara shook her head, but stopped almost immediately when she felt the throbbing increase.

"Bad."

The nurse smirked a little and then looked down at the small puddle of bile on the sheets.

"We'll have to change those." The nurse said quietly.

"I know."

"O's going to be a _doctor._ " Holli said with a smirk that made Tara wonder what had happened before she woke up.

The nurse rolled her eyes and continued to make some notes.

"I'm going to get the doctor, some paperwork your _friend_ couldn't fill out, and some new sheets." She said leaving the both of them as quickly as she had come in.

Tara turned to Holli with a look of concern, unsure how to bring up the subject, or even wondering if she wanted to hear what exactly had happened to her.

"Do you, like, want to know?" Holli asked leaning back in the chair and raising an eyebrow at her.

She sighed and moved to bite her lip when she remembered she really had no lip to bite in the first place. They were bloody and bruised after all.

"How bad is it?" Tara asked quietly.

Holli sighed and gave her a sad look. "I'm sorry."

Tara looked away and leaned into the pillow behind her. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in their thoughts. Tara wasn't sure how to bring up anything that had happened. She was afraid to know the extent of the damage, but at the same time she knew she couldn't hide from the truth.

"I called your boyfriend." Holli said finally breaking the silence.

"What?" Tara asked jerking too quickly to look at her and immediately regretted it.

"I called that guy…Jackson? He was, like, your Emergency Contact, you know. So, like, don't be angry with me! You put him down!" Holli said holding up her hands in defense.

Tara frowned trying to remember what she had put on her work emergency contact…and realized with dread that it _was_ Jax. It wasn't like she thought she'd actually need it. She just knew that he'd come if she needed help. She also had no one else to rely on when it came down to it.

Her dad was useless, her mother dead.

Jax had been her family, since…well since she could remember. Even after years of separation he still was. No one could replace him. Now, he was just her family in a different way, instead of the friendship they had, had when they were younger and girls liking boys and boys liking girls was gross. Just like Gemma – before she'd left – had been like a mother to her.

"I'm not angry." She responded finally knowing that Jax was the person she needed most right now. But she was also afraid of his reaction and she knew she couldn't hide the Kohn situation anymore. She was in over her head and it was time that she acknowledged that.

"Good, cause he's on his way." Holli said smiling widely.

Tara sighed, "okay. Tell me what happened. The last thing I remember is—"

"Tara Knowles?"

Tara looked up to see a young, brunette doctor come into the room. He had startlingly blue eyes and a kind smile, one that promptly told Tara she wasn't going to like what she was about to hear.

"Yes." She said hardening herself for the news he was about to deliver.

"My name is Dr. Wells. You're…friend, Holli…um…well she filled us in on what happened with you and your…attacker." The doctor began.

Tara nodded tried not to bite her lip, her usual go-to tic when she was nervous about something.

"You've suffered a major trauma and what we need to remember is that – that it's important that you are alive. Holli saved you just in time. He…well anyway, you have a concussion, which I think you've figured out. You have several bruises all over your body, and two of your ribs are broken. Also your shoulder was dislocated, so that will take some time to heal." He paused and glanced down at his chart while the nurse from before waited impatiently with the new sheets and promised paperwork.

"Was I…was I…raped?" Tara finally asked when it seemed like he wasn't going to continue with his list of her injuries.

His head jerked up and he looked over at Holli before looking back at her.

"We're waiting on the results from the rape kit. Holli…well Holli do you want to tell her?" Dr. Wells asked quietly.

Holli cleared her throat and looked at Tara with pity.

And Tara hated pity.

She felt the sudden urge to punch Holli in the face because of what she saw in her eyes.

 _Pity._

Every since she was a little girl and her mother had gotten sick she had hated that emotion. Everyone always looked at her with _pity_. _Pity,_ that she was the daughter of a drunk. _Pity,_ that she was the daughter of a dead mother. _Pity_ that she was all alone in the world. _Pity_ that she was now possibly a victim of…of…rape.

"I went outside for a cigarette when I saw that man on top of you. I yelled for…for Sam and the bouncers and then I started toward you. He had…he had…you were…well you were unconscious, but he was straddling you…you were…well you didn't have any…clothes on and he…well he had his pants down." Holli stuttered looking anywhere but at Tara.

For a second Tara found the explanation almost funny. Here was a woman who took her clothes off for money, who swore like a sailor, who was tactless. And she couldn't even tell her that she may have been raped. If she wasn't feeling ice slipping into her veins she would've laughed.

"So you don't know?" Tara demanded when she could find her voice.

Holli shook her head and Tara looked at the doctor who had _pity_ in his eyes.

 _Fucking pity._

"Like I said we did a rape kit, you'll find out soon. I promise." He said giving her a gentle smile.

She turned away feeling the icy coldness in her chest now. She felt the sickness crawl up her throat again, but like before she knew nothing would come out.

She was empty.

"There's one more thing." He said his voice becoming even quieter.

She continued to stare down at the dirty sheets and waited for him to say whatever else he had to say.

What could be worse than finding out you were probably raped? What other terrible things did he have to tell her about what Kohn did to her? Hadn't she suffered enough? She didn't want to hear anymore.

"Tara, Holli tells me you're in medical school?" Dr. Wells said and slowly Tara looked up.

She already felt her heart sinking and she knew that whatever he was about to say next would probably be the finishing piece to break her.

"Unfortunately, your attacker…well he broke your hand. Very violently. Do you understand what I'm saying, Tara?" Dr. Wells asked.

But Tara for some reason couldn't seem to grasp at what he was saying. She felt as if she'd suddenly been dropped into freezing water and he was trying to talk to her underwater. She heard sounds, but couldn't make out the words or the meaning. He was gurgling something and he looked like he was saying something very important.

She made out every other word, but she couldn't comprehend what he was saying.

 _Broken. Hand. Possibly never operate. Violent. Understand. Broken. Hand._

When he finished the dam seemed to break.

She began to cry for everything she lost.

Vaguely she heard the doctor leave and the nurse made her move from the bed, but Tara didn't register any of it. Not Holli trying to console her, or the nurse putting the paperwork on the table near the window.

She cried for what happened to her, for what could've happened to her, for the dreams she had worked tirelessly to achieve for years. Eventually she fell into a fit-fall sleep and she dreamed of sadness, anger, and hopelessness.

* * *

The next time she woke up it was dark. And she could hear angry voices outside her room.

"…sorry sir, but it's not visiting hours."

"Does it look like I fucking care, I want to see her."

"She's sleeping."

"I'm her emergency contact."

"I understand that, sir, but she needs her rest. She's been through a trauma—"

"Don't fucking tell me what she's been through! I fucking know what she's been through! I'm her fucking emergency contact!"

"Sir, if you don't lower your voice I'm going to have to call security."

"Fucking call them! I'm going to see her!"

Tara heard shuffling, then the woman yell another 'sir,' and the sound of the door opening. She heard boots scuff across the tile and the sound of another pair of footsteps following behind. She watched the curtain in trepidation as it moved to the side.

With a sigh of relief she held her arms out to Jax begging him to comfort her with her eyes.

Neither of them moved as they both took the other in.

Instead of moving toward her though, he stared down at her unsure what to do.

She knew she probably looked a mess, but the way he was staring at her she had to wonder how awful she looked. The light of the monitors illuminated her face, just as it did his. She could make out the angry lines that seemed to stand out more. The TV that was never turned off made the room a little brighter, showing her the despair, rage, and regret in his blue orbs. She wondered absently what her roommate thought of her and the late night visitor she had.

She wondered if she even had a roommate, because if she did, she probably thought she was crazy.

She looked over his shoulder when she saw the nurse he must've been arguing with glaring at the both of them.

"Please." Tara rasped looking at the nurse.

She sighed heavily and shuffled away.

Tara turned back to Jax waiting patiently for him to step into her arms, but when he didn't she slowly lowered them waiting for what was to come next.

"I should've been here." He began taking a step back to hide his face back into the shadows.

She saw the fear though, mixed the myriad of other emotions.

She recognized his sudden need to begin pacing, so she reached out again to him eager to make him stop before he really started.

She knew he was spiraling into his hole of self-loathing and anger for not being here for her.

"Jax, please." She said reaching for him again.

This time he moved toward her and with a gentleness he only reserved for her he pulled her into his arms and buried his head into her hair.

"Baby, I'm so sorry." He whispered and she felt hot wet tears fall onto her skin.

She buried her face in his hair and together they began to cry for each other. Tara cried for the pain she knew he felt at seeing her, and how he felt guilty for not helping her, despite the fact that he shouldn't feel that way. It was her fault for not telling him about Joshua Kohn from the beginning.

And Jax cried for what Tara lost.

They stayed wrapped around each other, crying, for what felt like forever. Through the tears Tara moved over and allowed Jax to stretch out beside her. Neither let go even after they had fallen asleep.

(A/n: what do you think? Please review! Next up we hear the whole story of what happened to tara, and whether or not she was raped as well as what's going on with her hand! Also Jax/tara of coursse!)


	9. Chapter 9: Love Sick

**Author's Note:** Thank you for the wonderful feedback for the last chapter. It was very difficult to write, but I like the direction I decided on. I'm glad everyone could get past the brutal subject matter as well. Thank you for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! YOu guys are amazing! Also thank you for everyone who loved the end of the chapter, it was very beautiful to write and I wanted to express their love by not making it obvious. Also thank you to everyone who say they can really 'see' whats going on, that's always my goal as a writer! So that was amazing to hear! And thank you for keeping me inspired! We will see what happens with Tara's hand as we go on. I hope you guys like the next chapter!

 **Thank you to: Guest, Guest, Meg0913(x3!), Mrssilves, tignat, Ellavm18, AxeBird1, shannie83, xDarkDesiresLightx, Guest, Mommajo0811, Diselandust, Luball8, Guest, ruehelm, Foreverkee, samanthacutrell, cinbur, Hobbsgirl2016, easmith75, HunterT, kfarm87, Gladz08, Whats love got to do with it, Danae, Guest, sweetasnz1, Guest, JaraSoa2008, Crazy808, Shan1015, Guest, ShyAnarchy, Guest, Little1009, Sage013, tinerabrown1, Guest, untilmynextstory, & saldred! **

**Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 9 Love Sick**

Tara awoke the next morning to an empty room. As she slowly came to she wondered if she had dreamed Jax coming to see her last night and a sinking began in her stomach. The thought that she was all alone dealing with what had happened to her made her stomach twist and she wondered if she was going to heave again. She glanced down at the chair next to her bed and she desperately wished that someone would appear if not to comfort her, but to at least talk to her. She felt so along.

Her wish was granted almost immediately when the door opened revealing the doctor that had come in yesterday to tell her about the damage that had been inflicted upon her.

Dr. Wells

"Good morning, Ms. Knowles." Dr. Wells said smiling at her brightly.

She wondered briefly what he had to be so happy about. She was in pain, miserable, and depressed.

She nodded back still unable to fully grasp everything that had happened in the last 24 hours.

And her mind was still on Jax and how he had snuck in to see her despite the nurses' protests, although that very well could've been all a dream. She was on so many painkillers she wasn't a 100% sure anymore.

Had she dreamed Jax up? She felt like she was slowly going insane, so anything was possible.

"How are you feeling today?" he asked.

"Fine." she answered indifferently.

He raised an eyebrow at her, "it's okay not to feel fine, Tara." He paused and looked down at her chart and she knew he was taking in the notes from the nurses from last night.

She felt the sudden need to read her own chart to determine the full extent of her injuries. She didn't want to be babied anymore.

"Well, I wanted to check in with you and see how you were feeling. Your test results should be back in a few hours so I'll be back then." He said after a long pause.

She nodded and watched him give her another big smile and leave.

As he left a nurse came in with some pills and a tray of hospital food that she'd rather through away than put into her body.

"How are you feeling this morning, sweetheart?" the nurse asked smiling merrily at her, as if there was something to be happy about.

Everyone seemed so happy this morning, or maybe she just seemed extra miserable.

"Fine." Tara said again in the same disinterested voice.

The nurse clucked her tongue, set down the food, and began to fix the curtains to allow some light in.

Tara tuned her out as she began to ramble on about the weather and instead she stared down at the inedible food wondering if she could sneak down to the vending machines to get some 'real' food.

As the nurse said her goodbyes the door swung open and Jax came in carrying a bag and a coffee holder with two cups in it. She breathed a sigh of relief whether it was from the food and coffee he was holding or from the fact that he wasn't just a dream after all. Regardless she was glad to see him, thankful that she hadn't dreamed him up in some drugged out stage.

"You're here." She exclaimed feeling lighter for the first time since she awoke.

For the first time that day she felt something to be happy about.

He smirked down at her and leaned down to kiss her on the mouth before plopping down in the chair beside her bed.

"Of course," he said taking out the food from the bag. "I thought you could do with some real food."

She smiled gratefully at him and began to eat the sandwich he'd brought with some tatter tots thrown in the bag. Neither of them said much as they munched on the takeout, even when another nurse came in to see how she was doing.

"Are there usually this many nurses coming in?" he asked through a mouthful or bread, egg, and bacon.

She smiled slightly, "I don't know. I haven't been in a hospital…" she trailed off when they both glanced at each other uncomfortably.

The last time she'd been in a hospital was when she had come with him to see his father before he died.

As they were finishing up their breakfast Tara decided to ask the one nagging question that had been bothering her since she woke up.

"Jax, what did you hear over the phone?" she asked quietly toying with the last of her sandwich.

"Over the phone?" he asked confused.

"Yeah, what did they tell you when they called?" she asked finally looking up at him.

He frowned for a moment trying to understand what she meant, and then it seemed to click. "Some girl named Heather or Haley called and said—"

"Holli?"

"Yeah, whatever. She called and said that you had been attacked at work…that you were at the hospital."

"Anything else?" Tara asked cautiously.

His frown deepened as he tried to understand what information she was trying to get out of him.

"What—"

There was a knock on the door and then the sound of high heels on the tile floor coming into the room.

"Am I, like, interrupting anything?" Holli asked poking her head around the curtain and giving them a knowing smirk.

Tara rolled her eyes at Holli obviously checking Jax out as she came further into the room.

"Holli this is Jax, Jax this is Holli." Tara introduced.

Holli giggled and smiled down at Jax who was finishing off the rest of his breakfast.

"We talked on the phone. I, like, told you about the _situation._ " Holli said unnecessarily.

Tara sighed and leaned back into the bed wincing as she moved, her injuries making it difficult to get comfortable.

Jax smirked at Holli staring at him and he glanced over at Tara who was attempting to get comfortable. He motioned for her to sit up and he tried to fluff the pillows as best as he could to help her get situated.

"So nice to meet you." Holli announced sliding into the last vacant chair on the other side of Tara's bed. Attempting to be covert Holli gave Tara a thumbs up sign.

"How are you feeling?" Holli asked turning her full attention to the brunette.

Tara shrugged and then gritted her teeth at the pain of the action. "I'm…in pain."

Holli pouted and looked over at Jax hesitantly. "I was the one who found her. Tara and I have been close since I started, like, a month after she did. We really learned the ropes together."

Jax gave her an irritated look and Tara could tell that talking about her job was the last thing he wanted to do. Especially when she knew in his mind it was the reason she had ended up in the hospital. Although she didn't know how he could blame her job, she knew he would because he hated her working there since day one.

"Have you found out the test results yet?" Holli asked tactlessly.

Tara went to bite her lip, but stopped remembering that her face was one big bruise.

"Test results?" Jax asked frowning, "What test results?"

Holli nodded eagerly glancing at Tara in sympathy. "Yeah, have you found out if you were—"

"Holli, I'm so glad that you called Jax." Tara interrupted quickly.

Holli grinned, "I was worried you would be mad. Tara says, like, you guys just got back together? That's so sweet!"

Jax nodded slowly watching Tara carefully.

"Yeah."

"And you guys were, like, High School Sweethearts? That's like _so_ romantic. I never really liked any of my high school boyfriends. They were, like, only good for one thing, you know." Holli said smiling mischievously.

Tara smiled slightly at the annoyed look on Jax's face.

"So, I thought I'd, like, come check in on you and I brought you, like, a get well package!" Holli announced putting a little bag onto Tara's bed.

She smiled at the blonde thankful that she wasn't asking anything else about her injuries, but even more thankful that she was trying to cheer her up.

"I know, that last night was like, really intense with, like the _news._ So I thought you'd like to, you know, forget. I also called some of the other girls, like, the awesome girls, not the new ones, to tell them to come visit. I mean, they know, like what happened because they, like, came out to see what was going on with the bouncers, but like—"

"What do you mean?" Jax asked cutting her off.

"What?" Holli asked cocking her head in confusion.

"What exactly happened? Can you tell the whole story?" Jax asked.

Holli glanced over at Tara who had stiffened at his request.

"Well, I told Tara last night. Maybe…Maybe I should, like leave if you guys wanna go over it again. It was like, _really_ intense." She said uncomfortably.

"Really intense?" Jax growled getting annoyed with all of the cryptic behavior.

He seemed to be missing something that was going on, and he never liked to be out of the loop, especially when it came to Tara. What had happened that night? And what wasn't she telling him?

Holli looked nervously at Tara and she sighed knowing she was going to have to tell him everything.

"Well I…I was getting out of my car to go to work when this guy—"

"The guy that's been, like, stalking you _forever_." Holli said cutting in and earning a glare from Tara.

" _Stalking_ _you_ _forever_? What the hell is going on Tara?" Jax snapped finally.

The hospital room got extremely quiet as Jax stared hard at Tara and she attempted to look nonchalant about the situation. Her big innocent eyes were not helping the case either, and was only irritating him. He hated when she played stupid, because she wasn't stupid. And he hated that she wasn't telling him everything when that had been his role for so long.

Holli winced and stood up suddenly, "sorry I just realized I forgot that I have a…waxing appointment. I'll talk to you later, O."

Tara barely glanced at Holli's hasty retreat as she tried to nonverbally calm Jax down. She reached her hand forward and put it on his arm needing him to relax so she could tell him the whole story, because she knew there was no way she could get out of telling him the whole story. Now was the time to be honest. She could recognize when something was blowing up in her face.

"Has this guy been following you for awhile? Who is he?" Jax demanded to know.

Tara opened her mouth to respond when the door opened again and heavy footsteps echoed through the room. The couple looked up reluctantly to see two men, one Caucasian and an African American man. Both men were dressed vastly different from the other. The white man was wearing dress pants and a nice shirt, and the black men wore a crisp navy blue suit.

"Are you Tara Knowles?" The black man asked.

"Yes." She said glancing over at Jax worriedly as he glared up at the two men.

"I'm Agent Williams with the ATF and this is my temporary partner Price. We're here to ask you a few questions about what happened the night you were attacked." The black man said.

The hand Tara had on Jax's arm moved downward toward his hand. She grasped it tightly in her own needing the strength that only he could provide her. She felt him squeeze her hand back and the uneasiness that had settled in her stomach slowly went away as she braced herself for the policeman's questions.

"Jax, baby, do you want to—"

"I'm staying right here." Jax said quickly cutting her off.

Tara frowned already dreading how this discussion was about to go. Jax and authority were never two things that mixed. And she was already a huge mess knowing that they needed to talk about many different issues that she'd neglected to tell him.

"This will only take a few minutes, ma'am." Price said.

"Why is someone from the ATF here?" she asked watching as Williams walked around the room slowly.

"Joshua Kohn was one of our men. We have to investigate what happened and Price is a police officer investigating the assault. We both have jurisdiction here. So we both have to share." Williams said.

Tara nodded slowly.

"Can you tell us what happened that night?" Price asked sitting down in the vacant chair.

"Okay. Well, I was getting out of my car to go to work when Kohn came out from nowhere. He was going on about how we belong together and how I made him angry because I wasn't participating. Then he attacked me. I tried to get away, but he knocked me out." She explained.

"Then what happened?" Price asked taking notes.

"I woke up here. My coworker, Holli was with me. She just left actually—"

"And how long have you worked at the…Gold Club?

"About a year. I work there to pay for medical school." She said feeling a need to defend herself.

Williams nodded, "have you ever seen him before?"

Tara glanced over at Jax who was sitting uncharacteristically still glaring at both men.

"Yes. He's…he's been harassing me for awhile." She said reluctantly.

She saw out of her peripheral vision Jax stiffen until he was almost a statue. She could feel the rage vibrating off of him and he turned his glare onto her. She could already feel the fight brewing beneath the surface.

"And why had you never reported it?"

"I did, to my boss. But there wasn't anything they could do if he didn't make a move. He just asked me for dances and out for dates. It was harmless until…"

"Until it wasn't."

She nodded looking everywhere but at Jax. She could feel his blue eyes drilling into her and she knew once the police left they would have a blowout of a fight. She felt a little bad for her neighbor.

Price and Williams exchanged a look and then turned back to her sympathetically.

"Do you have any questions for us?"

"Where is he?" she whispered looking down at her hands.

"In jail. We need to talk to everyone else who was there that night and then we'll have some follow up questions. For now I suggest you rest." Williams said.

She nodded and they left without further ado.

"Tara, what the fuck is going on? Who is this guy? Why did he do this to you? Why didn't you—"

"Ms. Knowles?"

The couple looked over at the doctor who had just come in a redness making his cheeks blotchy at the knowledge he had just interrupted an argument. She heard Jax growl under his breath and she knew he was a second away from going nuclear if they didn't talk about this soon.

It was ironic how alone she had felt this morning, and now she couldn't seem to talk to him in peace without someone coming to interrupt.

"I'm Dr. Wells. You must be Tara's…"

"Boyfriend." Jax gritted out.

The doctor gave him a sympathetic smile and then looked down at the chart in his hands.

"The test results came back Tara." Dr. Wells said and she felt her insides turn to ice.

"The mysterious _test results_?" Jax snapped loudly making the doctor look at him in alarm.

"The ones you still haven't explained to me." He added angrily. She tightened her grip on his hand to get him to stop talking, but also because she was afraid to hear what the results were.

"I saw Holli, so I wasn't sure if she filled you in, but Tara was assaulted. Thankfully she was saved just in time. The results came back negative, Tara, you weren't raped. However, it's still going to be a long road to recovery. I suggest—"

" _Raped_? That sick fuck raped you?" Jax yelled standing up so fast the hospital chair went flying. He aggressively rubbed a hand over his face and glowered at the doctor.

"Jax, I wasn't. Didn't you listen to the—"

"All I've heard is that everyone including the _police_ know more about what's going on than I do! I'm your _boyfriend_! Why didn't you tell me that some guy was stalking you or that it's been for _awhile?_ Hell, why didn't you tell me that you might've been raped? Why haven't you told me anything? Do you think I can't handle it? What else aren't you fucking telling me?" Jax yelled startling the doctor and the patient next door who began to yell through the curtain at them.

"I'll give you two a moment." Dr. Wells said quickly leaving the room.

Tara moved to run a hand through her hair, but grunted in frustration when moving pained her.

"Jax, it's not like that. You had just gotten here last night. I would've told you everything, but it's all been moving so quickly this morning. I'm sorry you had to find out like this." She said quickly trying to convey how badly she felt about the situation they were in.

"And what about before? Why didn't you tell me any of this before? What else aren't you telling me?" he demanded loudly.

She looked down at her blanket covered lap and her mind went right to the break in. The one she told herself she could handle. "My…my apartment was broken into. I think it was him." She whispered.

"Jesus Tara! What the fuck! And you wonder why I have trust issues." He said running a hand through his hair in irritation.

"I didn't want to worry you." she protested.

"Worry me? Because when I get a call from some random stripper telling me that my girlfriend was attacked at work doesn't worry me. I worry about you all the time, I worry that you work in such a shit place. I worry that you are going to get assaulted in that fucking shit place. And…and well I had a reason to worry. Do you know how – how fucking _scared_ I was the entire fucking way up here? Do you know how angry I was at myself for not following my instincts? God, Tara, all I ask is that you…you are honest and tell me what's going on and now, now I find out that I've been completely in the fucking dark the entire time." He yelled.

She stared at him unsure what to do and she watched as he moved toward the window sighing heavily.

She looked down at her hands now knowing what to say, because he was right. She had royally screwed up here.

"I'm sorry." She whispered finally.

He let out a dry laugh and turned to look at her. "Why didn't you just tell me about him? Why didn't you tell me he was _stalking_ you or breaking into your apartment or whatever else he was doing? Why weren't you honest?"

She gave him a sad smile and looked at the muted TV. "Because I thought I could handle it myself. He's ATF, Jax and I…I didn't want to get you in trouble. I was trying…trying to be sensible about this and just…deal with it myself."

He blinked taking in her answer, "I don't fucking care if he's ATF, Tara, I care that he's hurting you and I can do something about it."

He moved across the room and for a second she wondered if he was going to disappear behind the curtain and leave the room. Instead she watched him pace.

"He's probably going to get out on bail." Jax mused pacing the room.

"No Jax." She said quickly already knowing what he was thinking.

"…He'll be out at least until he has a hearing or something. Those types of guys always slip through the cracks." Jax grunted.

"Jax, no."

"I'm going to tell the gu—"

"Jax! _No_! This is serious. Just…let the system deal with it." She said eager to cut off his train of thought. She didn't want him getting in trouble because of her. She had seen what he was capable of as a teenager and she could only imagine that it got worse as an adult.

When they were in High School a guy had flirted with her at a party, and jax had gone ape-shit on the guy, even though they had only been on one date and the guy was harmless. No one flirted with her for the rest of high school.

And it was the same with him.

They both went ape-shit the moment they saw the other one getting attention from other people.

"No, Tara. He hurt you and he's going to pay." He said giving her a chilling look.

She felt her heart simultaneously sink at his words and begin to speed up. While she was worried for his well-being and she didn't want him to go to jail because of her, she couldn't help but feel extremely touched that he was going to go after the man who'd hurt her. He had been the only one who had ever stood up for her, who had even cared about her.

She felt like she was her high school self again. She had no inhibitions in high school, she had followed Jax to the end of the Earth and back. That's why their love was so tumultuous. They had no limits they only cared about each other. That was something that had gotten them into trouble time and time again. They were lost in each other, and people who couldn't see beyond another person were dangerous.

And when someone hurt the one you loved you always made them pay.

(A/n: What do you think? Please review!)


	10. Interlude

**Author's Note:** A few things before we go on. My computer died (RIP to everything I lost  & bank account) so I had to buy a new one. Because of the sudden Computer Crash of 2016, all my stories were lost, so that being said I lost my outline for this story. So while trying to remember and piece the rest of the story back together I added this little Interlude of Jax's POV while you wait. It's short, but necessary. So I'm working on the real Ch10, but for now he's a little of Jax's pov. I hope u like it! And Gemma will be coming in more, just a head's up!

 **Thank you to: Sarah, JoJo, reina13 (x3!), Crazy808, nelle861976, xDarkDesiresLightx, Nell4603,jcampbell943, irihapeti96, AxeBird1, Justine78, KJ0060203, Guest, JaraSoa2008, ShyAnarchy, Guest, saldred75, untilmynextstory, HunterT, Cinbur, Little1009, & tinerabrown1!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Interlude**

Jax drank his beer and watched with disinterest as croweaters and strippers danced around him. He was blowing off some steam at the club house after a long day dealing with Clay's and his mother's bullshit. His mother had finally heard the story of how the Club had run into Tara in Palo Alto a few months ago and was riding his ass for not filling him in.

He wasn't sure _who_ spilled the beans of his ex's reappearance, but whenever he found that person who put him in the doghouse with his mother he'd be sure to give them what they deserved. He'd neglected to tell his mother – who was really the only one who didn't know that she had returned – about Tara reemerging into his life for a reason and now every time he even _thought_ about leaving he was going to get a lecture from her.

He would never understand woman.

Years ago, when Tara and he had dated in high school his mother had really liked her. Granted, she didn't like his girlfriend at first, but as they got to know each other he could see the bond they formed.

It was a slow process, but it was there as the years progressed. Especially when Tara had miscarried and Gemma had comforted her and helped her through the situation. And when her father was too drunk to even noticed that she'd been in the hospital.

He sometimes wondered if his mother was even grooming Tara to be an Old Lady. He used to catch them whispering and giggling together, or his mother would take Tara shopping and she'd come back with low cut shirts and high skirts.

He still remembered his mother holding Tara as she cried when he was at a loss as to what to do after she miscarried.

They had been close, and when Tara had left he sometimes got the impression – when he was sober enough anyway – that she was just as hurt as he was by her departure.

He wouldn't lie and say he wanted a kid at eighteen, but he'd been lost as to what to do with Tara's grief. He felt guilty that he only wanted the kid so that she would stay, and a year later when she left he wished she'd never miscarried so she wouldn't leave him.

At the time though he was dealing with his own emotions and couldn't be the strength she deserved. So they relied on his mother, who helped them deal with their cluster-fuck of emotions.

Now, though his mother wanted to lecture him on staying as far away from Tara Knowles as possible.

His favorite lecture so far had been when she threw back in his face how Tara had left him and broke his heart, which led him down a path of self-destruction. A path that he hadn't really strayed from until he found her at the Gold Club. His mother also asked for his side of the story, and reluctantly he told her.

"What the fuck are you thinking, Jackson? A stripper? You know she ended up exactly where we all saw her! She always thought she was too good for us, and that, baby, is just _fucking irony_. She should've just stayed here and became a croweater. At least then she'd have saved us all the grief of her _leaving_." Gemma had snarled as she chain-smoked a cigarette.

"It's not like that, Ma. She's just trying to work her way through sch—"

"That's what they _all_ say. I guarantee in five years she'll be saying the exact same shit. Don't fall for her bullshit, Jax! She's just a girl who broke your heart before you could break her's."

"She's not just _another_ girl, she's _Tara_." He'd responded.

But Gemma just scoffed and smoked another cigarette while mumbling about men and their dick's.

Now, here he was trying to drown out the sound of his mother's voice as he watched Bobby motor-boating two blondes in the corner. He chuckled to himself and took a drag of his cigarette and a sip of his beer. In the distance he heard the phone ring and then a scantily clad red head came over to him with the phone in her hand.

"For you baby." She said pouting slightly and handing him the bar phone.

He frowned unsure who could be calling him at the bar. He'd talked to Tara a few hours ago and his mother was with Clay upstairs. Everyone else was getting wasted at the club, except Opie…maybe Opie was calling? Maybe something happened with Donna? He hoped not. He wasn't in the mood to talk about past mistakes. Or current ones, really.

"Hello?"

"Hi, uh, like is this Jackson Teller?" A bubbly voice asked.

Jax frowned unsure whether he should confirm or deny his identity to this person. He looked around the club wondering if one of the croweaters or strippers was playing with him, but couldn't tell from how crowded it was.

Besides every since he told at least five girls to fuck off they'd been avoiding him, having assumed he was staying faithful – for the time being.

Although he did always get a straggler.

"Who's this?" he asked.

"Oh! Yes! My name's Holli with an I and I, like, work at the Gold Club." She announced.

"And?" he asked when she didn't continue.

"Well, like, uh, you're O's – I mean, Tara's, like emergency contact and I figured…well I should call."

Jax hadn't heard anything past emergency contact. The word emergency rattling around his head as different scenarios began to swish through his head. He'd just talked to Tara, though. What could've happened in the last few hours? She was fine – wasn't she?

"Are you there?" Holli asked when Jax didn't respond.

"Where's Tara?"

"She…well there was, like, an accident. At the club there was an accident. I thought, like, it would be a good idea to, like, call. I know she's, like, very _secretive_ in her real life, but someone needs to…to know what happened." Holli said.

Jax felt an unfamiliar tightening in his chest and the edges of his vision began to blend together as the scenarios that rushed through his brain became worse.

"What happened?" he asked his voice surprisingly steady.

"She was, like, um, attacked. She's at Palo Alto Memorial. Do you—"

But Jax had already hung up. He was half way out the door before anyone noticed he was leaving.

* * *

Jax stared at Tara sleeping in the hospital bed not knowing what to do. He'd been at the hospital for three days now and every time he looked at her he felt the pangs of guilt eating at his insides.

The white hot anger that seemed to sizzle in his stomach wouldn't go away. He had barely left Tara's side and instead of the calm that he usually felt in her presence, he instead felt a rage like no other.

Someone had hurt _his_ Tara. Not only had they damaged her body, which was intolerant, but they also irreparably smashed her dreams.

Things she had worked years to achieve, that she had given everything up to accomplish. She had left him to attain those dreams and this _Joshua Kohn_ had destroyed everything.

He wasn't sure what was going to happen to Tara. When she spoke she seemed to be distance, cold, like she was reading from a script. Or telling him what he wanted to hear so _he'd_ be okay. It was typical of her, looking out for his best interests while she slowly fell deeper and deeper into darkness.

It was day three now, and she'd barely eaten, except when she had to and all she had done was call her professors to let them know about the accident and how she wasn't going to be in for awhile. She even called the college to see what the procedure for putting her schooling on hold.

His heart ached for her and he tried as hard as he could to help.

He wasn't sure how to make it better, instead relying on things she had liked as a teenager. Things he already knew about her.

He brought her, her favorite foods, candy, chocolate, flowers, even a stuffed bear. He'd even gone to her apartment to make up a bag for her. And despite the hospital room slowly growing with items, Tara seemed to be more miserable than ever.

He needed to kill this Joshua Kohn.

And he would make him suffer for what he did to _his_ girl.

(A/n: more will be soon! I promise! please review!)


	11. Chapter 10: By Your Side

**Author's Note:** It's been awhile and I apologize for it. I sit in front of a computer all day long and it's difficult to come home and write. On top of that, I lost everything with my old computer and just didn't have the drive to continue to write for awhile at least. Anyway, I want to finish this story, so expect it to be finished, even though it's taking longer than it should. I hope you guys like this chapter! It's more insightful than action packed. Let me know what you think!

 **Thank you to: Whitmom, FirebuggATL, Guest, Guest, nelle76 (x2!), HunterT, Ang R (x9), adavisa, OnewholovesSJ, sheshe073, shannie83, reina13, Ellavm18, luball8, xDarkDesiresLightx, Jowell567, easmith75, JaraSoa2008, Foreverkee, RhondaL, Guest, Guest, Crazy808, Gladz08,** and **IRL01!**

 **Chapter 10 By Your Side**

"Good morning, Tara. How are you feeling today?" A nurse asked on the morning before Tara would be released from the hospital. This nurse came in every day with the same amount of chipper, and asked the same questions. And day after day Tara replied in the same manner.

"Fine, I'm fine." She said staring out the window.

Jax was usually out when this nurse came in, going to get an edible breakfast, since neither of them could stomach eating the substance the hospital called food. Jax tried to mix it up too, so sometimes they'd have sandwiches and other times it would be Danishes and coffee or her personal favorite - burritos. Whatever it was, Jax made sure it was something she liked.

And she appreciated him all the more for it.

What she didn't appreciate was how unbelievably guilty she felt at having caused all of this pain for him. As much as she appreciated him being here, she also felt guilty that she'd created this situation. She was guilty that she dragged him down here, that this was done to her – she should've told him what was going on in the first place – but most of all, she felt guilty for hiding the truth from him.

And now, he was going above and beyond to make sure she was taken care of. She felt like a failure, but more prominently she felt like she didn't deserve him.

It was a strange feeling to feel this intense guilt, shame, and self-loathing. It was unlike her to feel so…lost and so much dislike for herself. She kept trying to push it back, but…it was brewing beneath the surface.

She felt like she'd had this opportunity to date him again after all this time and she had messed it up. Fate had thrown them back together and she had betrayed his trust as well as hurt him.

There was just a large pit of guilt sitting in her stomach eating away at her insides and becoming worse day by day.

Jax should be angrier with her.

And yet, he doted on her hand and foot to make sure she was okay.

"Good to hear. Are you happy to be going home?" the nurse asked a distant Tara.

Tara slowly turned toward her not knowing how to answer that. She'd be released tomorrow and that meant…that meant facing reality. She had to call her school…she had to call her job. Could she even go home? How would she feel being alone with Joshua Kohn still out there? Was she even safe?

Tara cleared her throat and looked down at her casted wrist. She could feel her body stiffening itself as the nurse continued to speak.

"I'm sure your boyfriend will be glad to get out of here." The nurse said not noticing Tara's change in demeanor.

Tara nodded numbly along not sure what to say to that. Before the nurse could say anything else to make Tara think about things she had no desire to think about, the hospital door creaked opened and Jax came back with a brown takeout bag.

* * *

Jax paused when he saw the look on Tara's face and then he eyed the nurse who was humming along checking the vitals and prodding her injuries. He knew immediately that something was wrong, but he wasn't sure how to voice his concerns with the nurse in the room who seemed unaware of the downtrodden atmosphere.

"You seem to be healing really well!" the nurse exclaimed.

Tara nodded looking over at Jax who watched her carefully.

"What's the status?" he asked finally his voice gruff.

The nurse glanced at him and smiled a little more widely. "Tara is healing fantastically! The doctor will probably be in sometime later to go over her discharge tomorrow and those sorts of things."

Jax glanced over at Tara who tried to give him a smile at the words 'discharge tomorrow,' but she had to wonder if it came out as more of a grimace. He moved to sit down in the chair he'd basically occupied 24/7 since he'd arrived, and silently handed her one of the bagel sandwiches he'd bought.

"Have a good day." The nurse finally said moving out of the room.

Once the door was shut, Jax looked over at her trying to gauge what had happened while he was gone.

"What's wrong?" he asked finally when she continued sitting there with a poker face on.

"The nurse…she said some things I didn't want to hear." She admitted reluctantly.

Jax scowled, "like what?"

Tara sighed and looked down at the bagel sandwich in her hand. "Like how excited I must be to go home."

"Right, home."

Jax watched her carefully as she ducked her head to avoid his eyes. They sat in silence neither knowing how to continue the topic at hand.

Tara didn't want to have the conversation because she knew how it would end, with her alone, back in her apartment. She wasn't so sure she wanted that to happen. On some level, she knew eventually she'd have to be alone again, but on the other hand, she didn't really want to jump into the deep end of the pool, just yet. She felt she needed to ease into being by herself again.

Jax wasn't sure what Tara wanted and didn't want to push her too hard in either direction. He wanted to take her home to Charming with him and…well that was it. He wanted to take her home with him so he could make sure that she wasn't going to be attacked again by this ATF agent.

He wanted to keep an eye on her and he wanted the opportunity to pick up where they had left off. If he was close to her all of the time, then he wouldn't have to worry about anything happening to her and maybe…maybe she could see that Charming wasn't as terrible as she always thought.

He also wasn't comfortable with the possibility of having her out of his sight. Every time he went to sleep – which wasn't often in that small chair in the hospital – he dreamed about getting that phone call about Tara. He dreamed that she was hurt – sometimes dead – and he didn't like that. He needed to make sure she was okay and the only way to do that would be to keep her as close as possible to him.

For all intents and purposes, he didn't want to let her out of his sight.

He decided to follow his gut and braced himself for her reaction as he plowed forward with a non existent desire to discuss the topic of home.

"You should come back with me." He blurted out looking at her collarbones jetting out beneath the hospital gown she'd had to wear for the last few days.

He knew she'd probably disagree as the words left his mouth, but the bottom line was he didn't want to leave her alone for something else to happen to her. He wanted to make sure she was taken care of and the only way he could do that was if she was safe with him. He refused to get another phone call like the one he'd gotten from the stripper. Not just for the foreseeable future either, but forever.

He also wasn't sure of her mental state at the moment. She'd just watched her aspirations get dislodged from reality and into a pipe dream. He wasn't sure what she was thinking or what she was going to do. Hopefully, coming back with him would get her some clarity on what her future held.

On some level, he also knew his desire to keep her around him as often as possible stemmed from the very simple fact that she'd lied to him as much as she had since they got back together. She had lied about the ATF agent and initially, he'd blown up about it, but he had done his fair share of holding the truth from her as well, so they had yet to have a real conversation about everything.

Other than their huge blowout, at least.

She'd explained herself, he'd lashed out about it, since all they'd done is sit in the hospital room day after day.

He felt like such a hypocrite for being pissed about her lying to him when he'd done is so much in the past, and he knew if he ever seriously voiced it more than he had, then she'd say exactly what he deserved to hear.

One thing he swore as he sat day in and day out of the hospital was that he would never lie to her again unless he had to. Being lied to as much as she had was taking a toll on his desire to trust her and he found that the most ironic part.

Was this how she felt when she'd catch him in a lie? Did she ever feel like she couldn't rely on him like he felt with her? He knew it wasn't far, but he couldn't help how he felt after discovering the truth.

When they dated the first time, especially when he was inducted into the club, he'd lied to her so much. It got to the point where he was lying about everything because it was easier and sometimes he felt ashamed of what he did because of the club. He didn't want her to think less of him if she knew all of the things that happened because of SAMCRO.

Lying just seemed logical and now that he was on the other end of the situation…it was something that he didn't know how to deal with. He felt betrayed, angry, hurt, but most of all he understood it and he couldn't bring himself to voice any of these things.

In addition, all of these questions were racing through his mind and he wasn't sure what to do.

She was silent in response.

Jax glanced upward afraid to meet her eyes, but all he saw was sadness and a hardness that he hadn't seen in a long time. He waited with baited breath as she readied herself to answer his question.

She nodded slowly, "okay."

He stared at her in a daze then nodded. "Okay."

They glanced at each other and then quickly away as the doctor came in to discuss how she would heal and what to expect when she went home the next day.

Jax watched her listen and moved his hand to hold hers as she took in all the ways her life would be changing.

No more surgical career.

She'd never become a surgeon.

She had to enroll in physical therapy.

She had to avoid using her hand for several weeks.

She had to stay relaxed.

Essentially, she was doomed to a life filled with physical therapy and sitting on the couch not moving.

But at least she'd be where Jax could keep an eye on her in Charming.

Although, he already knew that she was probably less than happy with the prospect of going back there.

His grip on her hand tightened and he braced himself mentally for the long road ahead of them. Not just with Tara's recovery either, but with finding this ATF agent, Joshua Kohn.

* * *

Tara was aggravated. She knew she had no right to be, but she was. She knew that Jax was right in asking her about going back to Charming, but the very idea caused her stomach to quiver in anger.

She'd have so many questions thrown at her and she didn't know what to say. She'd have to see Gemma again. She'd have to admit she never became a doctor. She'd have to see her father.

On top of all of that, the worst part of what she had to deal with, was the simple fact that she had nothing left in her life. She'd been working her way to be a surgeon and now it was virtually a pipe dream. She had spent years preparing for her future. She'd known since she was little that she wanted to be a pediatric surgeon and now…now what? What was she going to do with so much school on the human anatomy? What could she do now?

She sighed and rubbed a hand against her temple as a headache began to fester. She watched in her review mirror as Jax followed behind on his motorcycle as they drove back toward the dinky town she had tried so hard to escape. The car was packed with some suitcases, some school books, pamphlets from the doctor, the information about physical therapy, and other little things she needed.

As the miles crept them closer to Charming, the desire to turn around strengthened. She could call one of the girls from the club and just stay with them. But...she knew she couldn't. As a matter of fact, she knew that what she was doing was the right thing. This wasn't something she could handle anymore. She needed safety, people who knew her and would protect her.

In the very pit of her stomach, she knew she needed to go back to Charming, at least until Joshua Kohn was dealt with. That didn't mean that she liked it though. She wasn't happy with returning to a place she had tried so hard to get away from, but right now, it was the only place that she could rely on.

It was all she had left.

The couple hour drive went faster than she had anticipated. When they were right outside the town limits, Jax sped up and made a gesture for her to follow him. She drove after him and as they entered Charming, she felt her stomach plummet and a feeling of anxiety wash over her.

She felt anxious, scared, and unprepared for what was going to come next. She thought that he was going to take her to the club or to her house, but instead, he pulled up in front of an apartment building and cut the motorcycle. She parked the car behind the bike and slowly got out. The anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach was at an all time high.

"Where are we?" she asked quietly.

"My house." He said.

She raised an eyebrow.

"I moved out when I had enough money. Mostly 'cause I didn't want to live with Clay and my mom anymore. I was going to move into the club house, but…sometimes it's nice to get away." He said shrugging.

She nodded understanding his logic completely.

"Is this…is this where I should stay?" she asked quietly.

He smirked, "unless you want to stay at the club house."

She smiled slightly feeling like her lips would crack from the lack of stretching them. She licked the chapped skin and then moved back to her car to reach in to grab her things.

"Is this going to be okay?" he asked quietly.

She didn't answer; instead, grabbing her belongings carefully so she didn't drop anything or hurt her arm even more. When she struggled with one of her suitcases, he pushed her out of the way gently and grabbed it.

In silence, they made their way toward his apartment. They passed a couple holding hands and walking their small dog. They said good night to an older man who was out for a stroll and a young woman getting back from a run.

Finally, they came to 304 and Jax pulled out his keys to unlock the door. He pushed forward in the apartment and she took a look around the entry way and caught a glimpse of the living room.

She followed him as he went to the living room and she took in the small apartment. There was a dining room and living room hybrid. A small entry way and a tiny kitchen. A long hallway with two doors signified that there was a bathroom and a bedroom.

"Is this only one bedroom?" she asked setting her bags down.

He nodded watching her reaction, "yeah. I'm honestly not here often and no one ever stays over as a guest. It was just…a place to get away for awhile."

"Right." She said going to bite her lip, but stopping when she remembered her face was still healing.

"Does Gemma know I'm coming?" Tara asked suddenly.

"No. This was all pretty spur of the moment."

She sighed heavily, "yeah, right. Obviously."

She moved to sit on the couch in the living room. She bent her head forward and ran a shaky hand through her hair feeling suddenly so exhausted. Not just mentally, but physically, emotionally…she felt so out of sorts.

This was the first time she was out of the hospital and everything seemed to be setting in for her. Reality was finally hitting her and she felt sick to her stomach. She felt anxious for the future. She felt sad for herself. She didn't know where she was going to end up at all. It was like the last few years had all been a fluke and she was just supposed to end up back in Charming. Stripping, studying, saving every last dollar had all been a fluke.

Making the decision to leave Jax…nothing was worth it anymore. She felt like crying, but she knew that nothing would come out. She was for all intents and purposes starting over, but she wasn't entirely sure where she wanted to start or where she could go when she did.

"Jax…what am I going to do?" she whispered staring through her fingers down at the beige carpeting.

"I just…I feel like the last few years have all been…wasted. I feel like nothing has been worth it." She admitted her voice cracking as she voiced her fears for the first time.

She noticed movement in front of her and then he was taking her wrists in between his hands and holding her hands gently in his as he crouched down in front of her.

"Tara, nothing you've done has been wasted. You're just…taking a side step off your path or some shit. Listen, darling, I know shit has hit the fan, but I'm going to fix it. I'm going to help you." He said adamantly.

She smiled slightly and reached forward shaking his hands off of hers so she can frame his face.

"Promise me that when you say you're going to fix it; you aren't going to go after Kohn. Tell me you're not going to do something stupid." She pleaded.

He smirked slightly and moved away from her. "I can't make that promise. Hell, I won't make that promise after what he did to you. That man hurt you and he has to pay. I'm going to see to that."

She opened her mouth to argue with him, but he shook his head and she knew that he wasn't going to go further into that topic.

"I'm not talking about this anymore with you. I think you should go rest. You can have my bedroom. I'll take the couch."

"No, we can share the bedroom."

He smirked, "works for me."

Smiling slightly, she felt the heavy pit of anxiety lift in her stomach. "I'm going to take a shower."

"I need to stop by the club." He responded shortly.

"Jax—"

"I'll be back later. If you get scared of anything, call me. You know the number." He said.

She nodded slowly and watched as he moved toward the apartment door. Suddenly, he stopped and turned back around a smirk lingering on his features.

"Make yourself at home, darling." He said looking her up and down a mirthful look in his eyes.

She smiled slightly and watched as he turned to leave the apartment.

(A/n: what do you think? Please review)


End file.
